Real Housewives of Miami, Episode 1: Lea Black Shouts Out Rick Ross

The first episode of any Real Housewives series is all about meeting the ladies. And yep, that is exactly what we did during episode one of Real Housewives of Miami last night.

Lea Black is a good time. We can already tell we're going to really like her.

She takes over the show immediately and starts listing off her

celebrities friends, including Natalie Cole, Rick Ross, and Dennis

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Rodman. Did we mention she is an older white woman married to a older

white man who lives in Coral Gables? Yeah, her demographic and rappers don't usually go hand in hand. Oh and the girl has real

money. Like, Camille Grammer might be jealous.

Real Housewives of Miami, Episode 1: Lea Black Shouts Out Rick Ross
Photo by Glenn Watson/Bravo

Larsa, Larsa, Larsa--this girl is going to be trouble. Mrs. Pippen is ready to brag about her husband (Scottie Pippen) and his accomplishments quicker than you can say NBA. But he is Scottie freaking Pippen, so we guess she has every right to. Our biggest issue is that she lives in Fort Lauderdale. Yes, her house is sick, but why would you ever live in Broward? And if you choose to do so, how did you get on the show? A highlight for us had to be the fact that she drives her four kids around in a Roll Royce. Yeah, that is totally normal.

Watching Cristy Rice is a lot like watching so many of the girls here in Miami. She is from here, she is Cuban, and she wants to you be very aware of it.  But here is our question with her--she is 29 39, was married for 11 years and has three kids and two step children? Jesus girl, you were busy.  Watching her find a man is either going to be really entertaining or the most boring thing of our life.

The fashion week scene was a mess. Want to know why? Because Adriana was right: arriving ridiculously early is dumb and makes you look foolish. Maybe not as dumb as she looked hitting on every male model possible, but almost. But living in Miami, we shouldn't hate on anyone trying to arrive places early. Maybe the whole city will catch on.  But at least they showed America what 305 fashion is all about--great bathing suits.

Alexia Echevarria is going to be a trip. Well, not only her--her kids and husband too. We love how open she is with her children and their underage love for booze.  Living in Miami, we get it, it's kind of normal here. But the rest of the country sure isn't going to. 

Another one that is going to be interesting is Marysol Patton. What is she talking about that she doesn't believe in plastic surgery? Um, your lips, forehead, and the general look of your face prove otherwise. And let us have a moment of silence for her mother. What a gem.

The craziness of the episode all came together in Adriana DeMoura's marriage story. Her ex married a 17-year-old escort with a 16-year-old daughter at home? Oh, shit. If all of this is just the start of the season, it looks to be pretty interesting. 

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