Randy Quaid, Charlie Sheen, and Taylor Momsen: When Crazy Comes to Town
We're not sure when crazy came to town (town meaning your magazine covers, headline of every gossip web site, even your Facebook status), but they're here. Usually, crazy comes in the power of one (a la Britney shaving her head), but this time the crazies have lots of company.
There are literally dozens of celebrities and everyday folk flipping the freak out lately. Here are some of the recent crazies from the headlines, including tales of star whackers and an Antoine Dodson sex offender tracker app. Your water cooler conversation is about to get much, much juicer.
1. The Quaids
These people make even your craziest family member look sane. It all started about a year ago when they skipped out on a $10,000 hotel bill from the Santa Barbara Biltmore. Then with a slew of missed court dates and burglarizing and entering of a building without consent (AKA squatting) in a home they say is theirs (even though paperwork states otherwise) really put these two in the spotlight of insane.
Shit really hit the fan when they decided to defend their non-craziness with an interview with ABC stating they were not only in Canada because they are "refugees" escaping "star whackers" but these said whackers are following them around, tracking their phones and people like Brithey Spears and Lindsay Lohan should be watching their back too.
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You know who should watching their back? First off, Canada. Secondly, Lindsay's cocaine dealer, because if this stint in rehab actually does the job he is about to loose out on a good chunk of his revenue. In the end, watching their insanity is kinda like watching that random tourist that is hammered at your local bar speak of "the good times in '73" and then start sobbing how nobody loves her. Maybe we should feel bad for them. Or maybe we should feel bad for our brains, because after watching all these videos, our poor minds are totally fucked.
2. Random Girls in Florida
People say living in Miami is like living in a different country. Yes, we have a lot of people from different places, but we don't think that's why. It's because everyone else in this state is nuts. Why you may ask? Do you remember the "hiccup girl"? Maybe not. She was the adorable little thing with terrible eyebrows and a hiccuping problem that lasted five weeks. She got a nice little segment on Good Morning America and we were all just glad that wasn't us. Then last week, she came back into our lives, but this time the now 19-year-old is being charged with first degree murder for killing a man with two of her buddies over in St. Petersburg.
And then a few days later we see the headline "Florida Mom Kills Baby For Crying During FarmVille Game." Yep, you read that correctly. A woman in Jacksonville killed her baby for interrupting her precious Facebook time. Maybe its time we as a city break off from these crazies. The state of Miami sounds pretty good to us.
Dear America, we have a question for you. How much longer are we going to allow Charlie Sheen to have a serious addiction of drugs and hookers, but somehow make much more money in one days work then we ever will in an lifetime? One hooker arrest? Okay, we understand you made a slip-up. An occasional drug binge? We all have rough days.
But this man has dated porn stars, is an ex-bff of brothel owner Heidi Fleiss, and lets not forget all three of his wives have accused him of domestic violence, but yet somehow makes almost $2 million per episode. Just last week, he was allegedly dragged out of the Plaza Hotel for locking a porn star in the bathroom, causing $7,000 worth of damage to the room and admitted to drinking and using cocaine. Yet, somehow he wasn't taken to jail. No, no. He was given the option of jail or the hospital. Shocker, he chose the hospital. Who else is currently thinking, "What the fuck?"
We had a girlfriend in high school steal $10 worth of diet pills from a GNC and do a very hard night in the slammer. Yet, somehow Mr. Sheen's love for booze, broads, and anything off the black-market gets him a trip to the ER and a note from the doctor stating he had an allergic reaction to his meds. His show should be called Two and a Half Excuses.
4. Sex Offender Tracker App
The name Antoine Dodson probably does a few things to you. It either makes you giggle or slit your wrists. Either way, you can't help but admit the man is comical. I mean, "hide ya kids, hide ya wives," it just doesn't get funnier that than that. But what has really got out of hand is his amount of endorsement deals. First, a Halloween costume. Then now, he's the spokesperson for the iPhones newest app, "The Sex Offender Tracker." Our favorite part of the commercial had to be the Wikipedia shout out. When your source is Wikipedia.... Well, our F on our freshman college paper will be glad to tell you that no, that is not a reliable source. Maybe this app isn't dumb for using him, maybe we as Americans are for loving him are.
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5. Taylor Momsen
Think about your high school days. Ah, the memories of first loves and football games. But nowadays, it isn't the same for everyone. Especially not Gossip Girl's Taylor Momsen. Have you seen this hot ass mess? She is going out seven nights a week, looking like a raccoon and showing her underage tits to crowds of people while performing on stage with her band. We don't know about you, but we sure as hell weren't wearing stripper heals and hitting up the NYC club scene at 17 years old. We were ordering Proactive Solution from Diddy and just hoping for the best. But let's be honest, maybe she isn't the crazy one, maybe it's her parents.
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