Movoto's Clichéd Reasons For Dating a "Hialeahan" Misrepresent the City

Movoto's Clichéd Reasons For Dating a "Hialeahan" Misrepresent the City
Photo by Ebyabe | Wikimedia Commons CC 3.0

Say what you wanna say about the City of Progress, but there's more to Hialeah than agua, fango, y factoria.

Just ask real estate site, Movoto. Last week, the realty company released, "13 Things You Need To Know About Dating Someone From Hialeah." And apparently, it's because everyone who lives in it is a passionate Cuban lover with an addiction to cafecito who can dance salsa like a pro.

Stereotypical much? While the whole point of Movoto's piece was to get non-natives to buy property in Hialeah, it only scratched the surface of what really makes the city one of the best places to live in.

But hey, at least they were completely right about one thing -- dating a Hialeahan is the best thing you can ever do for yourself.

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Here are some of Movoto's gimmicky reasons for dating a Hialeahan.

See also: All 34 Cities in Miami-Dade County, Ranked From Worst to Best

Movoto's Clichéd Reasons For Dating a "Hialeahan" Misrepresent the City
Photo by Liliana Mora

"Folks In Hialeah Will Tell You They Love You In At Least Two Languages"

Hialeah does have the highest percentage of Cubans and Cuban-Americans in the country, but we live in Miami. Everyone in the 305 speaks Spanish (or will end up speaking the language at one point or another); not just la gente de Hialeah. And may we also add Hialeah is home to Mater Academy Charter High, one of the top 20 high schools in the state.

"Hialeahans Really Know How To Move Their Hips"

Trust us, we wish that being born in a city would automatically make us all professional dancers, but just because there's such a high influence of Cuban culture doesn't mean we can all actually dance.

 

"Date Night With A Hialeahan Means Going Out For Unbelievably Delicious Cuban Food"

Hialeah does have some of the best comida Cubana in Miami, but we also have some pretty good Mexican grub (Taco Shop Mexican Grill), pizza (Di Piazza Italian Restaurant), and soon, burgers and craft beer at Pincho Factory.

 

Movoto's Clichéd Reasons For Dating a "Hialeahan" Misrepresent the City
Courtesy of JLPR

"A Hialeahan Will Bring You Un Cafecito In Bed Every Morning"

All right, so you'll never wake up in Hialeah without the smell of fresh cafecito lingering in the air. But there are some bad Hialeahans out there (you know who you are) who can't even stand the smell of cafecito.

 

"Not To Brag... But Everyone Is Beautiful In Hialeah"

OK, this is true... except we're not all tan, as the article points out, because we're too busy working and don't have time to sunbathe on the beach. They don't call us the City of Progress for nothin'.

 

"A Hialeah Really Does Enjoy Long Walks On The Beach"

And so does everyone else in the 305.

 

"With A Hialeahan By Your Side Life Is Just A Little Sweeter"

With the sugary goodness of pastelitos de queso y guayaba on almost every street corner and a brand new Krispy Kreme storefront, life with a Hialeahan by your side is definitely sweeter.

Movoto's Clichéd Reasons For Dating a "Hialeahan" Misrepresent the City
Photo by Alex Broadwell

"And They Know All The Most Exciting Date Spots"

Like in most major urban cities, Downtown is the epicenter of it all, but with the newly restored Hialeah Park, Milander Auditorium, and the bike trails and extreme water sports at Amelia Earhart Park, the City of Progress is a cultured city within itself. And Forbes once named it the most boring city in the country. Lame.

 

"Hialeahans Aren't Afraid To Show You Their Passionate Side"

Latinos in general are passionate people...but not so much about Dan Marino, as Movoto claims. Now, when it comes to el Miami Heat, don't even get us started. Have you ever seen la 49 after a Heat playoff or Finals victory? It's a total casuela pachanga.

 

"Folks in Hialeah Will Pamper You With Relaxing Days On The Beach"

...Except there are no beaches in Hialeah.

Send your story tips to Cultist at cultist@miaminewtimes.com.

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