The world has gone to hell in a hand basket. And that hand basket was designed by Missoni. The ziggiddy zaggedy design label has captured the nation's zeitgeist to such a degree that women across the nation have lost all sense of self worth and are determined to wait in hour long lines to get their hands on the new Missoni line unveiled at Target this week.
No joke. Grown ladies, mothers, career women, and even hoochie mammas acted like teenagers waiting for U2 tickets outside of a Ticketmaster to make sure they could take home something, anything, with that stupid design on it. The sight of the lines of women at the Dadeland Station Target was more than a little depressing. Apparently, no matter how much the economy tanks, we can't quite lose our materialistic streak. So we did the only thing we could in response: think up other idiotic shopping trends that spurred ridiculous runs on stores or products and made a list about it. Here's our top five.
5. Cabbage Patch Kids
Nobody is quite sure why these god-awful dolls garnered so much mass
hysteria in the 1980s, but they did. Sales of the ridiculously ugly
creatures and related products topped $2 billion (yeah, with a "b") in
1984 and spurred riots at toy stores across the country. We guess it's
fitting that illogical consumerism first reared its head ugly head that
year. Personally, we like the Garbage Pail Kids better.
4. iPhone
Every product Apple puts out could probably make this list, with lines
forming at the mere mention of something new coming out (think iPad,
iPod, iCrap). But the iPhone hysteria probably represents the most
egregious offender. The only positive surrounding the release of a new
iPhone is that there always seems to be an equally powerful storm of
criticism about whatever new product comes out. In the end, though, the
company continues to control what is cool and stylish on the technology
and communications front. And that ain't good.
3. Slap Bracelets
There was controversy surrounding the silly bracelets which wrapped
around your writs when you slapped it on that caused such a fervor back
in the day. Apparently, there were injuries. They prove an old axiom of
sales - sometimes the best way to create demand for a product is to ban
it. Lines for these goofy bracelets formed at kiosks at all major
malls.
2. Ice after Hurricane Andrew
It's debatable whether ice after Hurricane Andrew should have made this
list because it was more of a necessity than a luxury, but we decided to
include it because of interminably long lines formed waiting for ice
after the storm and the poor behavior from many in it. Fights were a
common scene in the line outside the now closed Royal Palm Ice Company
on South Dixie Highway and in once case a woman was arrested for trying
to cut the line. Didn't she know: No cuts, no butts, no coconuts!
1. Black Friday
Ever need a reminder just how ridiculous consumerism has gotten in this
country? The day after Thanksgiving provides an annual reminder that the
apocalypse is long overdue. The lines start forming outside of the big
box retailers early in the a.m. and the results can even be fatal. But
it's not unique to the Walmarts, Targets or KMarts. We swear we saw
lines outside 7-11 last Black Friday.
Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.
