It's all pretext. All of it. The beaches. The sun in the fun clichés. The models. The palm trees. The nightlife. Even the heat. The prevailing logic for why Miami is among the premiere destinations for travelers from across the globe is all bullshit. The real reason everybody wants to come here is...sex. Duh! Pure and simple, or nasty and dirty, or kinky and complicated. We are the unofficial sex capital of North America.
Yeah, we know. Other dens of debauchery like New York City, Los Angeles, or Chicago (Ok, maybe not Chicago) will probably tell you the same. But now we have a chance to prove that Miami is the horniest of them all. New Times is in the midst of conducting its first ever Sex Survey. So put on your nipple clamps and strap on and pop some purple pills so you can get a hard on before you read on (lest we turn out like Canada!):
Take the survey here and when we
get enough perverted responses we'll put it all together in a special "Sex Issue" later this year. Do we feel a little dirty? Sure. But that's
the fun of it. Plus it's anonymous, so you don't have to worry about
co-workers knowing you like to cruise for a little tranny action on
weekends or partake of South Florida's sundry swingers clubs.
Among the questions you will be asked are: What type of porn do you
like? (that question about whether you like porn is not even relevant
anymore, you pervs!) What's your favorite sex position? (break out your
copy of Kama Sutra, but make sure you stretch beforehand) Have you ever
cruised for sex? What race do you think is the most aggressive in bed?
Do you masturbate? If yes, how often? (and no, your mom won't be
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Good luck, happy hunting, and make sure to share the link to this sex
survey to your co-workers and friends. Who knows, they might just take
it as a come on, which of course it is.