Miami Beach Jellyfish Issues a Warning to Beachgoers
My existence stings. Yes, I'm pretty. Hypnotic even. Lucid and beautiful. Yet no one appreciates me. The real me. I'm just a nuisance! Do you ever feel like that? Is your prettiness also a poison? Do people look at you and run away? Are they scared of your beauty? It sucks. Like a gypsy outcast, no one wants to see me. I'm alone. There are many of us, but we vacillate through the sea alone. I don't want to be a nuisance.
Granted. I'll shut down your beach. Have you standing there like hands-across-the-sand. But I didn't ask to be beached. The ocean knows not pity. You see. Our lives don't last long. When the purple flag is waving at the lifeguard stand that is our banner, our Ole Glory, it's William Wallace time!! Fre-e-e-e-dom!!
So let us rest in peace. Tell those Pinecrest and Kendall kids to stop
poking us with sticks. Because we're capable of being a real pain. Hell
Dollhouse Dance Factory: Bring It! Live
TicketsSat., Jul. 1, 8:00pm
TicketsSat., Jul. 8, 8:30pm
You're a Good Man Charlie Brown: Young Professionals
TicketsSat., Jul. 15, 2:00pm
Big Band Concerts with the Florida Wind Symphony
TicketsSat., Jul. 15, 7:00pm
Miami Curves Week Presents: Curves & Comedy
TicketsFri., Jul. 21, 9:00pm
hath no fury like a jellyfish scorned. Trust me. Keep pissing me off. It will end with you peeing on yourself.
With wrath I'll strike down upon every
British and German tourist I see. Duck-dive a wave and you'll find me on
your face. You'll look like crew on The Flying Dutchman.
Continue to poke and prod, and I will sting because I AM a bitch.
Remember. Disrespect breeds contempt, even from the vulnerable.
Flickr CC: BrainWare3000
want to hear a story? I had a girlfriend. Rachel. She washed upon your
shores ready for her salvation. Listen to this. Some hack wannabe Nip & Tuck
black market plastic surgeon picked her up and actually used her as a
breast implant. Stuck her in some Colombiana's chest in an office off of
Flagler!! Talk about disrespect. Sheesh!!
I will never
understand humans. Why change what is naturally beautiful? You're so
fake, Miami. God gave you a face yet you make yourself another.
Understand the power in being yourself!! Look at me. Admire my
naturalness. Then leave me alone.
Leave us all alone. Don't
pollute our waters with oil. Don't crush our reefs with commerce and
nosiness. And don't poke us with sticks when we reach our final
We don't want to sting you. It is just a natural
defense mechanism. We are here. And then we are gone. Life is too
fragile and delicate, just let us be. You might have seen me lately. We
were here in droves and then left. You can blame Irene. Her off-shore
winds blew us away. So you can have your beach back, for now. But be
weary. We will return.
And when that happens, just leave us alone.
That's all I want. To be left alone. Have you ever felt like that? Have
you ever stung someone out of defense? Yes, Miami. I think you can
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Miami, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.