Make Your Own PostSecret Postcard: A Dullard's Guide

At last count, the PostSecret web site had counted 466,771,333 visitors. Chances are, you're one of them. But the site has only received a measly half million postcard contributions! That means only .11 percent of PostSecret's trollers have had the burning desire to publicly share the shameful secrets of their souls. Or maybe it's just that 99.89% of people are just too boring to generate secrets horrible enough to slap on a postcard for the world to see.

In honor of PostSecret Live tomorrow at the University of Miami's Gusman Hall, here's our step-by-step guide to creating your own disgusting secret and displaying it handsomely on a homemade postcard. Even the lamest among us can enjoy the thrill of having our dirty laundry (real or imagined) aired out via the glorious interweb.


Step 1: Make a wheel that lists popular PostSecret topics.

Take a spin on the wheel of PostSecrets to determine the source of your shame.
Take a spin on the wheel of PostSecrets to determine the source of your shame.
Camille Lamb

Camille Lamb
Take a spin on the wheel of PostSecrets to determine the source of your shame.

We

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used a piece of cardboard, a pen, a nail, and a dental pick, but don't

worry, you don't have to make yours as fancy as ours. An alternative

idea is to make one of those paper fortune tellers. If you don't like

our topics, browse the PostSecret website for other great ideas.

Camille Lamb
The wheel has decided.

Step 2: Flick the spinner to determine the nature of your secret.

Ours

happened to land on "Think my own child is ugly." We don't have any

children, but that's okay. In fact, it's better, because it's a lot

easier to make up mean secrets about imaginary kids than it is real

ones.

Step 3: Browse the nearest magazine for images that might have something to do with your fake secret.

It's

very important that you don't think too much. Just hold the magazine in

your hands, flip the pages, and clip the pictures that speak to you.

That's right. Just flip and clip.

For our demonstration, we happened to find a copy of

The Week

lying

around. The first page we opened to featured a picture of marine life.

This inspired us to rifle through the rest of the mag in search of a

picture to complete our spurious skeleton in the closet. In seconds, we

found something we could use.

Step 4: Lay out your PostSecret postcard.

Paste

your pictures onto the back of an old greeting card or the like.

Arrange the images in a way that tells the fake story of your tortured

soul.

Make Your Own PostSecret Postcard: A Dullard's Guide
Camille Lamb

Camille Lamb
Step 5: Decorate your PostSecret.

You

don't have to run to the art supplies store. A little nail polish

worked just fine for us. Oh, and make sure you black out the eyes of the

people in your postcard. Judging by the entries featured on the PostSecret site,

it is apparently impossible to determine the identity of a person who's

eyes are covered, even when distinguishing birthmarks, tattoos, noses,

and mouths are visible.

Make sure to cover those eyes!
Make sure to cover those eyes!
Camille Lamb

Camille Lamb
Make sure to cover those eyes!
Step 6: Write or paste in your PostSecret confession.

If possible, try to add a tinge of biting irony, like we did. (Get it, "biting?")

Viola! Your contrived PostSecret is ready for hoards of hungry internet snoops to devour.
Viola! Your contrived PostSecret is ready for hoards of hungry internet snoops to devour.
Camille Lamb

Camille Lamb
Viola! Your contrived PostSecret is ready for hoards of hungry internet snoops to devour.

You know, feeding our son to the sharks would

save

us pain? Come on, that's so ironic and clever, just like all the PostSecrets on the real website!

So

there you have it --- everything you need to create and adorn your very

own filthy secret to share anonymously with the world. Just slap on the

address (13345 Copper Ridge Rd., Germantown, MD 20874) and a stamp and

send it off!

"But it's not real!" you may exclaim. So what? If you really have a problem with it, though, go out and do something awful and then make a postcard about it. Whatever you prefer.

Frank

Warren, PostSecret's founder, will present PostSecret Live Wednesday,

from 8:30 to 10:30 p.m. at the University of Miami's Gusman Hall. The

(now sold out) show is a multimedia presentation that showcases

postcards that were banned from the PostSecret books, reveals stories

behind some of the secrets, and allows brave guests to share their

secrets at the microphone. A signing for Warren's books, including his

#1 New York Times Bestseller, PostSecret: Confessions on Life, Death, and God, will take place after the show. Go to postsecret.com.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.


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