Magic City Episode Five: Voodoo Priests and Auditing

Quick criticism before we start this Magic City recap: if

you're watching the show for Danny Huston's insane performance as the Butcher,

this episode will be a let down. He's pretty absent. And sure, all of the other

Magic City touchstones are intact: gratuitous nudity, violence, and animal

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murder. But without the Butcher's joie de vivre, it feels a touch lacking.

Kudos are in order, however, for starting the episode with Ike having a

nightmare where Judi and Stevie are murdered while banging. You know that you're

a player when your dad imagines your death and even then you're getting laid.


Ike tells Judi she needs to get out of Miami, on account of the

dude killing women that look like her and all. Just go to Fort Lauderdale,

there's always brisk work in the sex business there (or so we've heard). She

refuses, upset at having caught Stevie with the Butcher's wife, choosing

instead to go out on her "date." Unfortunately for her, her gentleman caller

has the same fancy shoes as the guy who killed her doppelganger. Oops! Hope

that doesn't wind up being a mistake.

Vera's indignity of the week begins when she takes Ike's

daughter to school now that she is back from... camp? Sure, camp. She immediately

gives Vera the old "you're not my real mom" treatment. You know what Vera has over your mom,

kid? She's alive.

Also, Vera finds out that she can't get pregnant, spoiling her dreams of being belittled for messing up the details of her biological daughter's bat mitzvah. What does

she decide to seek out to cure her infertility? Voodoo, of course! Which

requires a lot of spitting. Who knew? Oh and wringing a chicken's neck, because

it isn't Magic City if an animal doesn't get killed. We're not looking forward to the

episode where the Butcher takes a trip to the petting zoo.

Ike doesn't have time for any baby malarkey, as he must come

to terms with the Miramar losing money at an astonishing rate. The accountant

that informs Ike of his financial woes has one of the worst bald caps in

history, FYI. You know what makes compelling television? Going over a

hotel's financial solvency. I'm amazed that Starz didn't find a way to shoehorn

in a topless lady, an ostrich murder, or both. Despite the fact that the hotel

is hemorrhaging money, Ike's dead wife's sister still agrees to buy the

Butcher's shares. Suze Orman would be fuming!

Dumbest guy in Miami?
Dumbest guy in Miami?

Mercy and Danny do some clothes-on dry humping. We're

starting to suspect that Mercy keeps Danny around because he does half of her

housekeeping duties for her. She withholds sex and he does anything she asks

for. That is literally the plot behind Steve Harvey's Think Like A Man. But

then they become sad because Mercy is leaving soon! Danny doesn't have too much time for mooning over his

not-girlfriend, because White Dude: District Attorney wants to pick his feeble,

simpleton mind. White Dude: District Attorney pretty much tells Danny that he

suspects shady stuff is going down, and Danny basically says, "Jeepers, I doubt it,"

before naively agreeing to be his stooge. Oh Danny, we're just counting the days until the Butcher has you killed and stuffs your body to be put on display in his sex

dungeon.

Surely enough, Judi's date knocks her out and plans to shoot

her and dump her body in a ravine, but Ike comes to the rescue by beating the

tar out of the fancily dressed assassin and dumping his unconscious body in the

ravine. Seems a little overboard, but to be fair, it's been a rough week.

Judi comes to her senses and leaves town, much to the dismay

of the Butcher, who makes his brief appearance while still watching his wife

masturbate from a glass ceiling. Vera swims nude in the ocean for her Voodoo

fertility ritual while Ike decompresses with a coffee and Dewars. Dude, no

wonder your hotel is loosing money, you can't waste fancy booze on mixed

drinks. Say what you will about the Butcher but he probably knows how to pinch

a penny or two. More Butcher next week, please!

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