Lord of the Dance 3D Opens for St. Patrick's Day With That Spotlight-Humping Hambone, Michael Flatley

As Lord of the Dance 3D opens tonight for a one-week run at Regal Cinemas Lincoln Road, here's a quick review:

Michael Flatley knows what you think of him. He's heard it all--cantering megalomaniac, spotlight-humping hambone--and he's here to tell you that he's selling out stages around the world without you. Yet I suspect even his fans--and I could now identify at least a couple of you in a lineup--will be disappointed by Lord of the Dance 3D.

After an introduction in which Flatley enumerates his successes, taunts the haters, and talks up his homecoming Dublin show, the film comprises a single concert as performed, which means it never morphs into the amazing Christopher Guest jam it first suggests.

Strike two is the fact that, not counting one superb, David Lee Roth

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scissor-kick in slo-mo, director Marcus Viner does little to marry

Flatley's métier to the form. Irish step dancing--in which dancers stand

in place and twizzle, stab, and stomp their feet into the floor in

perfect, martial formation--is particularly ill-suited to 3-D, and in

most of the dozen or so set pieces, Flatley, wearing black, dances

against a black background (and Fred Astaire wept). Even Flatley

infidels will find themselves starved for a well-lit close-up of those

whirling feet, or maybe just the tantalizing illusion of a swift,

blackout kick to the head.

--Michelle Orange

Lord of the Dance 3D opens for a one-week engagement at Regal Cinemas (1120 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach.) Visit lordofthedance3d.com.

Dance, Billy!
Dance, Billy!

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