Florida International University has scored a major coup for its journalism students. Larry King, the Elizabeth Taylor of broadcast news, will be speaking at the Biscayne Bay Campus as part of the 2013 Lecture Series presented by the Student Government Association.
King hosted his namesake show, CNN's highest-rated program, for 18 years, and has interviewed just about every significant public figure throughout that time, including Tony Blair, Mikhail Gorbachev, and Eleanor Roosevelt. Apart from his illustrious broadcasting career he's also known for wearing suspenders and getting married eight times. Proving his intellectual curiosity, King chose various kinds of women to betroth, from a Playboy Bunny to a math teacher.
Since the infamous King, who got his start on Miami radio, will be in town, we figured we'd set him up with a date, one who has a serious chance at becoming Mrs. King IX. Here's our list of potential candidates. We know there are some already hitched parties mentioned here, but that's nothing a Mexican courthouse can't fix. All's fair in love and La La Land.
Feel free to vote for your favorite candidate.
5. Janet Reno
We know she looks like Stephen King's twin brother, and she's horrible with kids (as evidenced by her handling of the Elian Gonzalez case), but she's one smart cookie. King might run out of paper bags, but he'll never run out of things to talk about. Plus, she probably makes a helluva tomato soup, can knit King some swimming trunks, and has enough cats to keep them company well into their golden years...which are already here. Besides, she can finally put all those carpet-munching rumors to rest.
4. Any of the Kardashians
Their permanent mailing address might not be the Magic City, but Kim and Kourtney spend time here shooting their insipid reality show, partying, and vetting athletes for marriage. No paper bags needed here, but we figure Mr. King would be able to find other means of marital entertainment.
She's hot, relatively young, and talented -- what's not to love? Plus, if he ever suspects her of cheating, as his ex-wife is rumored of having done, all he has to do is remember three little words: hips don't lie.
King and J-Lo are a match made in celebrity heaven (which has an open bar, in case you didn't know). They've both been unlucky in love and unable to make their respective marriages work. Since practice makes perfect, King and J-Lo should hold PhDs (piled high and deep) by now. We have faith these two crazy kids can make it work.
1. Brooke Hogan
Okay, okay, we know...Hogan and King? What were we thinking? We'll tell you. Cultist believes wholeheartedly in the sanctity of marriage and we will do anything to preserve it. This is a marriage guaranteed to last. Brooke's last name is Hogan, people. As in, Hulk! No matter what happens, King will think twice before filing for divorce.
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King will discuss his illustrious career and field questions from the audience on March 28 at FIU's Biscayne Bay Campus. The event is free, but you do need to present a ticket for admission. Call the SGA office at 305-919-5680 or the Campus Life Department at 305-919-5804.
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