Kitty Says Put a Ring on It

Hello, Kitty:

I'm in a top-secret relationship with a man whom my family thinks is a deadbeat, which might be true. But he's the father of my child, and I can't abandon the feelings I once had for him.

I'm 36 years old and financially support myself and our daughter, but I have to sneak around with my man as if I were 16. It's not that I don't understand why my family hates him; he comes in and out of our lives at leisure. He has cheated on me countless times and doesn't support our child.


baby daddy

But I think we can work out our issues. If we can be in a relationship, it will particularly benefit our daughter. I want her to have a daddy, and I want myself to have a man, but I don't want my family and friends to think I'm a dumb-ass for being with this guy. They have no idea he's been living with me, and I'm sick of sneaking around and secluding myself from my family. What do I do?

B.B. Mama

Hey, B.B.:

What you do is realize you are a grown-ass woman and it's your business what you do. You're absolutely right — sneaking around is fruitless; if you're woman enough to lay up with this guy, you should be woman enough to own up to it. You and I both know that part of the reason you're hiding this relationship is you're unsure this man is good for you. So he's a cheater, a deserter, and a deadbeat dad. On paper, dude sucks. If you ask me, B.B., while you're sneaking him in the back door, your self-respect is scooting out the front. Not good, mami. Right now, your panties are equipped with a revolving door, and he's taking full advantage.

It's quite possible the sheer excitement of this covert operation is shielding your eyes from the pain he's causing you. Please believe that your family and friends have you and your daughter's best interests at heart, which makes their disapproval all the more powerful. Yes, there might be a few haters in the bunch, but for the most part, they simply want you to be happy and well treated. Your daughter needs a daddy, but you do not need him to be your man.

So you really need to stop fuckin' with the dude, or let your loved ones understand the good you see in him. Whatever you do, don't sell yourself short. If he's toxic, leave him. If he's the best thing that's ever happened to you, demand he commit to you. Soon your family and friends won't have anything bad to say. Oh, and if that doesn't work, here's your prescription: bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, picture of David Beckham, and a vibrator. Meow.

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