Kitty Is Goin' to the Chapel

Hello, Kitty:

I am a 42-year-old man who has never been married or had kids, but I'm finally ready for both. The problem is that most of the bachelorettes around my age are either ugly, have kids, or aren't able to get pregnant. I've been in contact with two women over the Internet; one lives in New Mexico and is 39 with two children. The other is a 44-year-old widow with no rug rats. The 39-year-old is absolutely beautiful and recently came to Miami to spend a lovely three days at my house. I haven't met the second one, but she's visiting me in a week. I already like the first one, and she's willing to move here and leave her kids with their dad. Which should I choose? I asked my mum and she suggested the younger one since she would be more likely to be able to conceive, but I would prefer someone with no children at all. If I were 35 years old, I would wait for another woman, but now I'm tired of being single and don't want to lose a good opportunity.


Hey, Jacques:

Duh — choose someone with whom you could spend a lifetime. All I hear you gushing about are these ladies' looks and whether they have kids. Perhaps your superficial sensibility is what landed you at age 42 with no children or an ex-wife on the payroll. The Internet is a good place to find single ladies who are beyond clubbing age and looking for something real, but are you truly looking for a wife, or simply an incubator for your sperm? If that's the case, choose the younger one, because your mother was right. The probability of a woman getting pregnant and having healthy children decreases with age, and even then you two might have to look into fertility treatments. But be aware that the expiration date on your baby gravy might be around the corner too. A recent study by French scientists proved that miscarriages increase and pregnancy rates decrease when the father is older than 35. So be sure to forward this letter to her so she can weigh her options. She might desire that 34-year-old who's been checking her out at the gym. Sidebar: Do you really want to be with a woman who is willing to leave her kids on the other side of the country just to be with a guy like you? As for the older lady, she seems like a winner to me because she's on the fast track to early-bird specials and senior-citizen admission at the movies. We're in a recession, buddy; you gotta look for all the pluses. Meow.

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