I'm a lesbian. My girlfriend was in the closet for the first eight years of our relationship. Then she came out a few months ago, and everything changed. Not only is she more openly affectionate with me, but also anytime we're around other lesbians, she flirts like there's no tomorrow. It makes me wonder how she acts when I'm not around. Plus her phone is constantly ringing and she comes home later than usual. The distance is so great that a breakup seems imminent. I'm happy she's out, but if I had known it would end our relationship, I would have never encouraged it. Now I'm stuck with a proud lesbian who has no desire to share her time with me. How can I get my girl back without seeming like a jealous beeyotch?
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If you don't get with the program, you'll be left like the veggie burgers in my freezer — old and lonely. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I might eventually eat those burgers. If you want your relationship to thrive, though, you'll need to have some sympathy for your girl. All she is really doing is showing herself some love. Until a few months ago, she had to hide her true identity from everyone except you, and now she's living in triumphant freedom. Let her. Right now it's causing your relationship to suffer, but if you two have a strong foundation, it won't be that way for long. Plus if you are nurturing and supportive during her period of change, you'll prove your commitment. If you judge her actions or stifle her spirit, you'll be just like the society that caused her to hide in the first place, and she'll rebel against you. Sure, we would love for our lovers to be the same person we fell for, but people grow and evolve. The beauty of a relationship is seeing one another through each stage of life and still maintaining the mutuality. Whether it's a total lifestyle change or a newfound love for artichokes, you're expected to roll with the punches or move the hell on to someone new. As long as she doesn't suddenly turn her homo into hetero, you don't have anything to worry about. Of course, your girl needs to do a better job of communicating, or else it might be fair to guess you were simply a cushion where she could rest her closeted soul. We are creatures of comfort, and perhaps she was clinging to you for just that. Evaluate the situation and decide if she can continue to give you what you need or if she will continue to run along like a horny teenager. Meow.