My girlfriend and I are lesbians with a wonderful sex life — or at least I thought we had one before last week, when she told me she wants to experiment with a dildo. We already play with feathers and blindfolding, but that's about as far as we get with props in the bedroom. I have always been against having anything resembling a penis anywhere near my relationship, and up until now I thought my girl agreed. But now we're at odds about it and she's saying she'll "take care of it" if I'm not into it. We've been together for almost a year, and besides this little dispute, everything has been A-okay. What can I do to save my relationship?
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What can you do to save your relationship? You can understand that your girl doesn't want to be tickled by a feather but does want to be pounded by some meat or something like it. Maybe she just wants to feel the sensation. But the bottom line is that your girl wants penetration, and she's made it very clear that either you've gotta do it or someone else will. I know, I know — you don't want anything phallic pumpin' its way into your relationship. But your options might be something phallic or an actual penis. The choice is yours. Your woman's honesty is refreshing, especially since she knows how you feel about the situation. She could have just gone out and let someone else poke his or her stick into her mulberry bush, but she's giving you the chance to do it first.
It's not wrong to be against the idea of a dildo in your bedroom, but she has the right to want what she wants. There isn't a finger, toe, or tongue that can compete with the feeling of a penis (unless that penis is the size of a finger, toe, or tongue). If you're worried about potentially opening the door to girl-on-boy sex, try to disassociate the schlong from the man. For instance, don't strap on and start growling in her ear like a dude. Let her know that it's your feminine ass making her feel so good. You should skip the ones made of Cyberskin and let Santa bring her one made of silicone or chrome-plated steel. Whatever you do, just get something. This isn't worth losing someone you're happy with. And as a bonus, you might actually like it. Start with a strap-on that will vibrate while you're penetrating her, and you ladies will be on your way to a double-ended dildo in no time. Carpe diem. Meow.