Kitty Gets Catty About Commitment

Hello, Kitty:

I've been with my boyfriend for close to two years, and though typical new-relationship woes nearly destroyed us in the beginning, I think we're stronger now than we've ever been. I'm 36; he's 27. We're both hardworking and independent, and we're even blessed to share the same vices — good wine, a little cocaine, and romantic comedies. I'm really content with him and feel like he's someone I could share my life with. As a result, two months ago I asked him to move in with me. He was really gung ho and we even talked about how we would change my décor to match his tastes, which side of the closet would be his, and all of that. But now it's been months, he's still not here, and every time I ask him about it, he claims he's too busy or drops some other lame excuse. So now I'm wondering what to do. Should I just give this up? Help! Oh, and I'm a man, if that makes any difference.

E. Gertoshac


commitment phobic

Hey, E:

No, it doesn't make a difference that you're a boy who likes boys. Gay or not, shacking up is a major step and one that takes a huge amount of commitment from both people. But you're no young filly, so I don't need to tell you there's more to the situation than drinking Merlot and watching Kate Hudson movies. Or do I? Do you and your guy discuss how you would split the finances and household duties, and what you expect from each other as live-in lovers? If not, that could be the reason for your baby's cold feet. It's interesting how you say he's hardworking but then call his "busy" excuse lame; could it be you're an asshole and after two years he finally realized it and would rather keep the relationship undomesticated? Hmmm.

The fact is, there are many things that could have prompted your man's trepidation. Ask him what the problem is. Don't be confrontational, and don't do it while he's blowing lines of coke off of your butt cheek. Just make him a nice dinner and say something like: "I want to share more than this turkey with you. I'm ready to share my house." Okay, that's corny, but you get the idea. And be prepared for whatever his answer may be, because there is a possibility he has another man, he actually likes women, or he's turned off by the way you use the same rag to wash your face and your ass. You'll never know until you speak up, so stop crying over When Harry Met Sally and holla at your man!

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