Kitty Coughs Up Advice for a Hairball of a Man

Kitty Coughs Up Advice for a Hairball of a Man

Hello, Kitty:

My girl complains about my body hair, saying that I need to wax and/or shave my chest and pubic area. But the vision of Steve Carell getting waxed in The 40-Year-Old Virgin has me thinking it's not worth the pain. My hairy bod has never bothered me, but my girl seems to be royally disgusted by it. Can you suggest a way to help her appreciate my unique trait?

Saz Kwatch


excessive body hair

Hey, Saz:

I can't give you any ways to change your girl — everyone has their pet peeves and for some reason or another, your furry ass is one of hers. Maybe she has gorillaphobia or was traumatized by a hairball-related incident. Either way, you don't want the person you're shagging (pun intended) to be "royally disgusted" by anything other than the raunchy sex positions you suggest after a couple of caipirinhas. Relationships are about compromise, though, and I'm thinking that either she needs to live with the fact that you're hairy or you need to de-fuzz, and quick. Personally, I despise taco meat, sawgrass, Christmas tinsel, and everything else that men magically sprout on their bods. The only thing I want to see running up and down a man's chest is my tongue or a piece of tumbleweed cause it's so damn bare.

On the other hand, some women like a little chest-bush, which is why that old adage about there being someone for everyone is true. Just as easily as you found this girl, you can find another who enjoys a lil' something to grab onto. I can't stress enough that you should be yourself in any relationship, and should be prepared to stick with any compromises that you do make for a while. Dealing with a bitter mate (i.e., a bald you) can be a mothafucka, so don't let the body-wool go unless it's a decision you can live with. And if you do decide to go for it, try using a depilatory cream (e-mail me for a good name brand, no free ads from me). That way you'll avoid both the pain of waxing and the shame of shaving your chest in the gym locker room. Meow.

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