Kim Kardashian: homemade porn-star-turned-reality-TV-personality-turned-millionaire-marketer-turned... private investigator?
Yep, Kim has dreams of being a detective. Or so the latest episode of Kourtney & Kim Take Miami would have you believe. Last night, Kim rode along with Larsa Pippen's friend, a private detective, in an attempt to solve a pro bono case. The E! network should really rename this series Kourtney & Kim Do a Series of Incredibly Unlikely Things. (Dragon-boat racing, breast-milk thieving, hanging out with lesbians, parenting.)
In some ways, though, the whole season has been leading up to Kiki's stint as a P.I. The girl has been acting supershady all season and pulled off some impressively sneaky stunts in the process. We've rounded up these 007-level mental maneuvers.
5. Divorce on the Downlow
As early as the first episode, Kim was keeping secrets from her sisters. She was going through a divorce -- perhaps you might have heard of it -- but she wouldn't talk about the details and even began taking phone calls from her lawyer in separate rooms. Kourtney and Khloé confronted (konfronted?) Kim about her behavior, but instead of getting answers, they all just ended up breaking a bunch of dishes on their luxury balcony. Nice misdirection, Kim.
4. Dragon-Boat Backstabbing
When Bruce Jenner tried to take over the dragon-boat-racing team that Kim had assembled (out of members of her own family, obviously), Kim quit -- or at least that's what she told everyone else. On race day, the future Mrs. West showed up with a team of bodybuilder-esque ringers and threatened to bring her former team down. Jenner's team still won, but that was probably just another step in Kiki's overall plan.
3. The Simon Surprise
Kim Kardashian's favorite pastime? Head games. For proof, look no further than last week's episode, in which she secretly brought together her two feuding friends for a "peace summit." And by "peace summit," we mean "watching grown men fight until one is reduced to tears while Kim smiles and nods the whole time."
2. The Great Breast-Milk Caper
In the creepiest series of scenes ever to appear on television, Kim and her friend Jonathan Cheban schemed and crept around the Eden Roc in order to steal Kourtney's precious, psoriasis-healing breast milk. They stole the stuff several times, in fact, and would've gotten away with it entirely if they hadn't gotten greedy and gone for the big score. Or if breast milk actually cured psorisis.
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1. The Mercy Mystery
Here's the greatest secret of all: What has become of Mercy, Kanye's gift kitten? Is she still around? Has she escaped? Did she know too much?