When residents of the Sunset Islands, DiLido Island, and North Bay Road decided not to let Kim and Kourtney Kardashian film their latest reality series, Kourtney & Kim Take Miami, in their neighborhoods, Kanye's beau and company were forced to look elsewhere for South Florida digs. So they moved into a gated community in North Miami Beach instead.
But according to some news sources, they may as well have moved into the Pork & Beans.
ShowbizSpy.com notes that the new location is a whole "14 miles away" from the Kardashians' number-one pick. (The horror!) And the story continues, quoting an anonymous source who describes NMB they way you'd describe the seediest, most desolate corner of Las Vegas:
The area is known for its hourly hotels, strip clubs and high crime rate. It's a far-cry from their usual posh digs, with just a 7-Eleven and an abandoned old bank close by.
Hourly hotels? Sure. But you'll find those all over Miami. Strip clubs? Ditto. High crime rate? North Miami Beach isn't perfect, but compared to Miami Beach -- which again, was the Kardashians' first choice -- it has significantly lower rates of murder, robbery, assault, and theft.
Still, that hasn't stopped blogs from referring to the Kardashians' new setup -- which, it bears repeating, is in a gated community and, presumably, was still rented on a budget that would've supported fancy South Beach digs -- as a "slum."
"Uh-oh! Serial killers love to buy Slushy's at 7-Elevens," gushes Celeb Dirty Laundry. "Better watch your back Kim; you never know who wants to place your junk in their trunk."
"I would love to watch it if I thought they'd embrace their shady neighborhood, but mostly I just think they'll hide it," complains Evil Beet Gossip. "Like, if Kourtney and Kim are taking kids to a children's museum, I don't think we're going to see any field trips to the old abandoned bank, you know?"
Look, nobody's standing up for the poor, downtrodden Kardashians. We're standing up for the city of Miami. Reports like these give the rest of the world the impression that South Beach is the only safe place for anybody to hang out when they come here to visit. And sorry, SoBe, but most of South Florida's awesomeness is on the mainland these days.
Whether you include the Kardashians in that "awesomeness" is up to you.
Ciara LaVelle is New Times' arts and culture editor. She earned her BS in journalism at Boston University, moved to Florida in 2004, and landed a job as a travel writer. For reasons that seemed sound at the time, she gave up her life of professional island-hopping to join New Times' staff in 2011. She left the paper in 2014 to start a family, but two years and two babies later, she returned in the hopes that someone on staff would agree to babysit. No takers yet.