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Kickball and Five Other Pseudo-Sports to Try with Coworkers

Who doesn't all want another excuse to go drinking and misbehaving during the work week? Such is the allure of kickball leagues in Miami and across the country. That and finding intelligent women! The sport is thriving and there are several leagues in Miami-Dade sponsored by World Adult Kickball Association (WAKA), including one in Peacock Park in Coconut Grove which starts next Friday (sign up here!)

But the thrill of competition is only part of what makes kickball fun. There's also the ogling coworkers in skimpy athletic gear, wearing wristbands and headbands for no discernible reason, and possibly hooking up with (or even better yet getting rejected by) Susie from accounting and then having to face her the next day. The point is kickball is here to stay as an adult pseudo-sport.  But sadly, kickball season eventually comes to an end. Luckily, Cultist is here to suggest five other fake-sport-leagues-that-are-just-an-excuse-to-drink-and-get-laid.

5. Paddle Tetherball, S&M Style

Apparently mining playground games of our youth is where it's at for

adults looking for after work fun, so we'll start with paddle

tetherball. A slight variation on the game Napoleon Dynamite played,

this sport involves smacking a ball tied to a poll with a wood

paddle. The game has its limitations as a league sport, but what it

lacks in every imaginable definition of sport, it makes up for in ready

made sex props. There is the rope (or tether) which can be used to tie

up kinky Susie from accounting, a ball which can be used as a ball gag,

and a wood paddle for, you guessed it, some light spanking.

4. Strip Box Ball (aka Four Square for Strippers)

Remember this game: four boxes drawn within a larger square in chalk on

the floor and you one bounce a large rubber ball to any of your

opponents' boxes to see who messes up first. In our version remove an

article of clothing every time you foul up. With a strip element in the

mix, and we're sure eventually more boxes will be exposed.

It's easy and our version is sleazy.
It's easy and our version is sleazy.

3. Butts-Up (aka Wall Ball, Burn Ball, Red Butt, Fumble, Asses Up, Suicides, No Fear, and Sting)

More than foreplay, this game is perfect for the times you really want

to get back at co-workers who got that promotion and raise you didn't.

You play by throwing a tennis ball or rubber ball violently against a

wall and when somebody eventually bobbles and drops the rebound, they

have to sprint to the wall before getting beamed by the other player. In

some versions of the game, if you don't get to the wall before somebody

grabs the ball, you have to stand next to the wall, lean forward with

"butt up" and let your opponent peg you.

2. Dodgeball

Dodgeball is very popular, even more popular than kickball we'd guess.

As well as being tailor made for a league sport between workers in

different divisions of the same company, or different companies in the

same industry, it is yet another example of a sport/game to help

get out any lingering anger from the workplace. If you grew up in this country, you should know how to play. If not, check out the clip from Dodgeball, for some tips on learning.


1. Cock Stride

Admittedly, this game only makes our list because we think it

will be fun to try and convince your coworkers  to

sign up for a game of Cock Stride. And then explaining how the game

works. Here's how it goes: Between 3 and 15 individuals are needed and

they need caps or hats of some kind or if all else fails you can pay

with crumpled paper as well. One player--the cock--is blindfolded and

stands in the stride position. The other players take turns throwing the

caps between the cock's legs from five to ten feet behind the cock.

They then go and stand next to wherever their cap landed. When everyone

is done the cock drops on all fours and, while still blindfolded, crawls

forward until he touches someone. That person immediately becomes the

next cock and is chased by the rest of the group. When he or she is

caught they are pummeled. That's right, everybody pummels the cock.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.


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