Raunchy, quick, and refreshingly honest, Jennifer Coolidge -- the hilarious character actress you know from American Pie, Legally Blonde, and Best in Show who we interviewed earlier this week -- took the stage at the Miami Improv last night to tackle her most fascinating role to date, herself. And after last night's performance (which lasts through this Saturday at 8:30 and 10:45 p.m) she proves that with her first attempt at standup, she's just as much of a gut buster as the likes of Margaret Cho, Chelsea Handler, and Kathy Griffin.
Coolidge, dressed simply and sexy in a figure-hugging black dress, started out her set by coaxing the audience by insisting that everyone packed inside the crammed and often sticky (tip: never put your elbows on the table, never) Miami Improv was extremely attractive. In fact, she felt that everyone in the Magic City was beautiful. Even more so than L.A. "Even the bum sitting outside of my hotel looks like a super model," Coolidge joked, "and I'm going to invite him back to my room tonight. Room 444 at the Mayfair Hotel, for anyone else who's interested." Her hotel and room number were two tidbits many a young man remembered when quizzed at the end of the show.
Soon after a few jokes about dating younger guys, which she claims to get easily thanks to her OG MILF status, she begged the audience to heckle her so she could find an excuse to use the word "cunt." She then began a long, but hysterical, rant about how her life in L.A. sucks being a character actress. Admitting to the audience that playing the role of Paulette from Legally Blonde was a total cock-block. She also confesses how the role solidified her career as "the weird best friend" in Hollywood. She often goes to auditions with two other girls, "one of which is usually wearing a helmet."
From there Coolidge went into her flappy-vagina story, a complete ab-workout of a bit which we'll reserve for the audiences at her shows. We will say it involves JLo, Gisele Bundchen, and the lotion lady at the bottom of the pit in Silence of the Lambs. Ah, the line "No Jennifer, you seem like you'd have the flappiest vagina ever."
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There were also jokes about Paris Hilton, Kim Kardasihan, and the story behind how she lost the role of Bridget Jones to Renee Zellweger (a role that this reviewer feels Coolidge would've killed in) but if you really want to hear them, stop reading this review, and buy a ticket to her few remaining shows.
Believe us, you won't be disappointed.
Jennifer Coolidge performs at the Miami Improv (3390 Mary St., Miami) Friday and Saturday at 8:30 and 10:45 p.m. Tickets cost $22. For more information call 305-441-8200 or visit miamiimprov.com.