Handsome and suave, in a rugged, don't-f*ck-with-me way. Handy with gadgets and guns. Has a way with the ladies. Enjoys a strong drink with maximum agitation.
Even with a brain-numbingly boring name like James Bond, Ian Fleming's fictional British secret agent was the most interesting man in the world long before The Most Interesting Man in the World came along to sell us Mexican beer. There's nobody quite like 007, and there hasn't been since Fleming created the character half a century ago.
But during an event celebrating the secret agent's 50th birthday on Nov. 9, you'll have a chance to pretend you're a sexy spy just like him at the James Bond Experience.
Starting at the Dezer Collection, Bond experiencers kick off the night with a reception of caviar, canapes and martinis - shaken, not stirred, of course. Spy wannabes can browse Dezer's collection of cars, including the original "Golden Gun" featured in The Man With the Golden Gun.
Once you're good and drunk and full of olive juice, you'll be kidnapped like a poor defenseless Bond girl (minus the requisite skimpy bikini -- we're in the middle of a cold front, after all). Organizers will shuttle their captives to an undisclosed location where instead of hanging precariously above a tank of sharks fitted with lasers, they'll walk the red carpet at a Miami premiere of the new Bond flick, Skyfall.
(One would hope for an underground lair or secret offshore island, but realistically the "undisclosed location" is probably just a nearby movie theater.)
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At $75 per person, The Bond Experience is a pretty pricey way to catch a movie. But if you're a big fan of cars, action flicks, or unlimited vodka, you can probably enjoy the evening enough to make it worth your while.
Besides, when has James Bond ever looked cheap?
The Bond Experience starts at 7 p.m. Tickets cost $75. Visit dezercollection.com.