Admit it, Miamians: You're sexy and you know it.
It's no secret that Miami boasts an unprecedented proportion of beautiful people. Hotties abound, from bikini-clad models on South Beach, to sexy hipsters in Wynwood, to studs in suits in Brickell. LMFAO can shove its West Coast pride, because that irritating, inescapable song of theirs was clearly written about us.
Not buying it? We have the proof after the jump.
1. Hot weather = hot fashion.
A tropical climate means less clothing. Visit the beach on any
given day and find Brazilian butt slings, banana hammocks, naked breasts
and a minimal amount of fabric. That translates to the streets as well
as the sand, so our bods have to be in tip-top shape year round and
ready to reveal.
2. Tourists agree -- we're hot stuff.
According to Travel &
Leisure, we rank #3 in the US for most attractive populous. The only two cities to beat us? San Juan, Puerto Rico, which is essentially just another version of Miami, and San Diego, which was clearly just the choice of voters who haven't made it to Miami yet. So take a bow,
people. All that Crossfitting, club-going and bike riding has really
paid off. We look gooood.
3. We exude a bronzed glow.
Thanks to our Latin roots, most of our
residents boast a bronzed, smoldering sexiness. And because of the
sultry Florida sun (and vast wealth of fake bake boutiques), even the pasty white among us have a chance to
shine.
4. Humidity is actually good for you.
The swampy heat may be oppressive, but it does wonders for our skin and
hair. Yeah, the frizziness occasionally ruins a good blowout, but the
moisture in the air is gonna keep us nice and lubricated a lot longer
than in other cities. No scaly dry patches or rough skin in this city.
Smooooooth sailing, all the way.
5. Models, man.
According to AskMen.com, Miami is the #5 city
(worldwide) in which to meet this sexy breed. They sip diet Cuba Libres
at the Delano, nosh on raw fish at Nobu and shop their skinny little
hearts out along Collins. But here's what AskMen.com neglects to mention: Thanks to all of the above, our models show more skin, and generally look better doing so, than cities that outranked us like New York. It's all about quality, not quantity, folks.
So pat your sexy selves on the back, Miamians. This is one hot city -- in more ways than one.
--Hannah Sentenac
Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.
