When the forefathers of Cultist convened in a special session to iron out exactly what they thought a culture blog should be, the first thought that popped into their minds was surely WWE's Monday Night Raw.
Think about it: There's no theater like the drama produced in wrestling. Competition? You can hardly get a more sporting event than one between two behemoths fighting over a bedazzled belt. Also, what says culture better than watching grown men smash chairs across each others' backs? And don't forget about the acting. Sure, subtlety might be missing, but as the Borscht Film Festival proved, subtlety is overrated. Miami is all about flash. And WWE has it to spare.
Read on to see how you can win a pair of tickets to the height of human achievement, otherwise known as WWE wrestling, next Monday night at the American Airlines Arena.
Miami knows the lure of watching greased-up bodies in tiny banana
hammocks "wrestle" each other. But if you're tired of a typical night on
South Beach (rim shot, please), come up with a new wrestling move and
name it, and you could be in line to get a pair of free tickets to next
week's WWE event. Try to put a Miami twist on the move or its name
(Saguesera Strangler, Perrine Power Driver, the Tourist Killer, Square
Groper, Coke Fiend, whatever) for fun.
To win, you need to visit the Cultist
Facebook page and leave a comment with your wrestling move and name
(remember, you must first "Like" our Facebook page; sorry, those
are Zuckerburg rules). We'll announce a winner Thursday, April 28, at 3 p.m. Tickets must be claimed at the American Airlines Arenas Monday night.
If you need some inspiration for your fictional moves, check out the
fictional moves below. The names are a mixed bag: Psycho Driver III,
Vertabreaker, Ganso Bomb, Go 2 Sleep, Spiral Tap, Messiah, Bernard Bomb,
Chemical Imbalance II (Chemical Imbalance I was too balanced), the
Suicide, and Tiger Driver (also known as the Elin Nordegren), but we think
you can do better.
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WWE will power-drive its way to the American Airlines Arena (601 Biscayne Blvd., Miami) next Monday at 8:15 p.m.