How to Waste Time at Work While Everyone Else Is on Vacation
Some of us got stuck at the office this week, a strange five-day limbo that falls between Christmas and New Year's. You may have blown your load on vacation days too early or your bosses just felt like acting like bosses and forced you to come in. So you should at least be productive, right? Screw that. After all, who are we kidding? Nobody actually works during this week, whether in the office or out on vacation.
Instead we show up late, take two-hour lunches, and leave 45 minutes early. (Hey, El Jefe! You're not reading this - are you?) In lieu of actual work. we do a little Facebook stalking, some YouTube action, and, if you are daring enough, some porn surfing at work (remember to keep thumb and index finger on alt + tab, respectively, to switch screens when co-workers approach). But wasting time at work can be hard work. So here's some tips on some ways to pass the time.
Go Elfyourself! No really. Not particularly original. Not crazy funny. Not all that worth spending
You're a Good Man Charlie Brown: Young Professionals
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Miami Curves Week Presents: Curves & Comedy
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Jim Gaffigan: Noble Ape Tour
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time on. In other words, it's a perfect time waster. This is just another
variation on PhotoShop-ing your mug to make
your likeness do silly things -- in this case dance, surf, and sing, all
while dressed like an elf. It's like watching Golden Girls reruns: You
laugh a little and before you know it you've spent half an hour that
you'll never get back. But at least you're not trying to better
4. Get Co-workers in Trouble
The only thing worse than being stuck at work is having to look at the
empty chairs of your co-workers who are vacationing. Sometimes the only
way to feel better is to make them suffer. There's always a couple of
absent workers who left their computers on or passwords accessible. By
logging on to their computer, downloading virus filled programs, surfing
bestiality websites, and printing out their resume, and leaving it in
the printer tray, you can ease the monotony of this work week. Even if you might go to hell for it.
3. Google Earth
You may be physically stuck to your work chair, but that doesn't mean
your brain can't take a vacation to other parts of the world. Especially
with Google Earth where you can fly around the work, and even float
over cities with 3-D graphics and relief features like mountains and hills. It's
mesmerizing and some historic time wasters actually once discovered a hidden military installation in China by spending valuable time Google Earth
surfing. We're not sure this happened during work hours, but you can spend a good 40 hours as armchair intelligence agents.
Not all time wasters have to be totally unproductive. Typeracer.com
allows you to match your typing skills against similarly bored nerds in a
type-off. Here, your respective speeds are shown by racing VW Beetles. Or, you can just try to best your own typing speed. (Cultist
is at 71 words a minute). Although it is unproductive for your bosses,
it helps you build your typing speed (which might help when you go to
apply for a new job as a temp, which will likely be very soon).
1. Put Visine in Water Cooler
What's worse, being bored at work or being sick at home? If you chose
the latter, then you might want to consider dumping some Visine into the
office water cooler. Yeah, that scene in Wedding Crashers wasn't
a hoax. Visine in your drink will make you sick as a dog. So if you'll
do anything to get home with a good excuse, and don't mind possible
criminal charges if you are caught, take one for the team and dirty the
office drinking supply. For a slightly less egregious offense, dump a
bottle of Grey Goose into the water cooler, and await good times.
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