How to Ask for a Rim Job If You're a Whiny Homophobe

Sex, love, relationship advice from a professional dominatrix. Got questions? Drop an e-mail to askadomme@miaminewtimes.com, you naughty boys and girls. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix.

Dear Mistress,

I've been trying to promote the wonders of getting my salad tossed to my friend who is a little ​homophobic, so he thinks even if a chick is doing it to him, he will automatically turn gay. But I tell him it's the bomb.com and he's starting to warm up to the idea. However he's having trouble approaching his girlfriend about it. Any suggestions as to how he should broach the subject?

Sincerely,

A Good Friend


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This question actually made me laugh out loud. And laughter is the greatest remedy for a hangover, which I have after spanking random bottoms and drinking profusely at Rokbar's fetish party on Sunday. So pardon me if my advice totally sucks this week. I am tired and I am weary, and I have absolutely no energy left in me to be even slightly witty. But yeah, here's some salad-tossing advice for "your friend."

For starters, let me define "getting your salad tossed" for those who have no idea what it means. Here's the definition from urbandictionary.com: "Getting the salad tossed- Anilingus. Specifically, mouth-to-anus contact of a sexual nature. Origin often attributed to prison."

To be more specific, anilingus is when your sex partner sticks his or her tongue inside your anus, or licks and sucks the surrounding area. Anilingus or "tossing the salad" is also known as rimming or rim job. It feels really good. And if you consider yourself to be sexually uninhibited, you should definitely try it. It's really worth it.

It should be relatively easy to get a rim job out of a chick. He can say something like this, "bitch, eat my asshole out." If she's into stuff like that, she'll do it. Or if your friend's girlfriend is a prude who's very uncomfortable with stuff like that, then your buddy should be more careful approaching his girl with such a request. I mean, he can just ask politely, or introduce rimming to her as this cool new thing. The best way to do it is by turning on some salad tossing porn. If she gets horny watching it, your friend should suggest they try it.


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