How Not to Celebrate International Women's Day
You're not helping, Biebs.
Today is International Women's Day. It's a day to reflect on the place of women in cultures around the world, both in the United States, where most women are relatively well-off, and in other countries where women live under more restrictive conditions.
It's a broadly defined holiday, sure. But that's basically the gist of it: A day -- seriously, just one 24-hour period -- in which people are encouraged to think about and act toward women with the respect you'd afford to literally any other human being. The whole rest of the year is for Hooters and glass ceilings and Kourtney & Kim Take Miami. But on this one day, the world is asked to pause, briefly, from treating the female gender like one giant, cruel joke.
Surprise! The world has failed.
Here are some people who are not helping:
via Instagram, @deleasa
The caption to @deleasa's Instagram above reads, "Well hello ladies, today's your day! Happy international women's day!" Though he does seem to grasp the brevity of this holiday -- Today's your day! Not tomorrow, or the day after! Just today! -- his gift to the ladies of the world is doing just as much for impoverished and abused women in other countries as it is doing for me right now. Which is to say, nothing.
— COD Probs (@COD_PR0BS) March 8, 2013
Dollhouse Dance Factory: Bring It! Live
TicketsSat., Jul. 1, 8:00pm
TicketsSat., Jul. 8, 8:30pm
You're a Good Man Charlie Brown: Young Professionals
TicketsSat., Jul. 15, 2:00pm
Big Band Concerts with the Florida Wind Symphony
TicketsSat., Jul. 15, 7:00pm
Miami Curves Week Presents: Curves & Comedy
TicketsFri., Jul. 21, 9:00pm
@COD_PR0BS isn't going to pay you or anything else with ladyparts any extra attention just because it's International Women's Day. Call of Duty bros before live, human hoes.
Happy International Women's Day to all the beautiful and facially challenged ladies... I love all of you equally...
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) March 8, 2013
Noted feminist Chad Ochocinco sees how deformed your face is, but he loves you anyway because he respects women so much. What a charmer!
Happy International Women's Day! How do you say "make me a sandwich" in foreign languages?
— The Funny Sexist™ (@TheFunnySexist) March 8, 2013
The Funny Sexist is really only one of those things.
Of course, these are missives from social media -- notorious dens of gross, hateful sexism. Surely the world of publishing, in which writers' words are vetted by the good intentions and moral compasses of their editors, is doing better. Right?
Just kidding! The Guardian's Suzanne Moore doesn't need your stupid hippie holiday, because (A) it's not a day off, (B) talking about female genital mutilation is awwwkward, and (C) she didn't even know it was International Women's Day in the first place. How about a day off from feminism, because all this women's equality is exhausting, isn't it?
And then, of course, there's Thrillist:
Here's the top story in today's daily email, a real one-two punch. First, they suggest we shove off this whole "celebrating women" nonsense and celebrate men instead. Then they suggest that those "men" should be two-decade-old slacker cartoons. A Top 10 list of the world's hottest women activists would actually have been less offensive.
So just in case you'd forgotten, ladies, today is a good time to remember this message:
Follow Ciara LaVelle on Twitter @ciaralavelle.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Miami, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.