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How Miami Are You? Ten Ways to Tell

How Miami Are You? Ten Ways to Tell
Alex Markow

"That's so Miami."

It's a phrase you hear everywhere in this town, from exasperated locals and bemused tourists alike. Wearing your bathing suit to Publix? That's so Miami. A $22 cocktail? That's so Miami. Last year the O, Miami Poetry Festival devoted a monthlong competition to verse describing the unique charms of the Magic City.

So by now, you know what's so Miami. The real question is: Who's so Miami?

There's no definitive answer. But the quiz below is as good a place as any to start. Read on to find out exactly how Miami you really are.

See also: Ten Signs You're Not From Miami

How Miami Are You? Ten Ways to Tell
randomliteraturecouncil/Flickr

1. It's 3 p.m. at the office. What are you doing?

a) Working, duh. I'm not off until 5.

b) Office? I'm a bartender.

c) Delivering coladas I just brewed to my co-workers.

2. It's time to merge onto the highway. You:

a) Slow down, put on your blinker, and wait for someone to let you in.

b) Grip the wheel, veer into the first opening you see, and pray.

c) Speed through the merge lane until it ends, continue driving on the shoulder as you pass the traffic jam, wave at the cop who sees you but does nothing to stop you, cut off an 18-wheeler, and cross three lanes of traffic at once so you can make your left exit.

 

How Miami Are You? Ten Ways to Tell
Ian Witlen

3. Let's do a little word association. I say Art Basel. You say:

a) Culture

b) Champagne

c) Trafficpocalypse

4. Wynwood: Yea or nay?

a) Yea! It's, like, artsy and stuff, right?

b) It's an OK spot, if you don't mind dodging all the mural photographers.

c) The gentrification of Wynwood is a tragedy that represents all that is wrong with this country, but yeah, I hang out at Gramps sometimes.

 

How Miami Are You? Ten Ways to Tell

5. Your friends from New York are in town. Where do you take them to show off your city?

a) The Clevelander

b) The new Pérez Art Museum Miami

c) King of Diamonds

6. What's your going-out uniform?

a) Jeans and a T-shirt, something casual, whatever.

b) An off-brand bandage dress and platform heels that I fully intend to take off at the club.

c) Dress it up, dress it down -- this Dolphins jersey is appropriate for any occasion.

 

How Miami Are You? Ten Ways to Tell
lilith121/Flickr

7. Wanna go to the beach?

a) Dude, I am already there.

b) Sure, it's been a couple of weeks.

c) Bro, you must be high.

8. Hey, remember the '80s?

a) Of course.

b) Nope. Not a damn thing.

c) On the advice of my lawyer, I must invoke my Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination.

 

How Miami Are You? Ten Ways to Tell
Jim Brickett/Flickr

9. The last time I went out of town, it was to:

a) Visit my family in New York.

b) Party with my friends in Key West.

c) Make my annual trip to the Caribbean/Central America to see the rest of my family.

How Miami Are You? Ten Ways to Tell
Keith Allison/Wikimedia Commons

10. Who is the man above?

a) LeBron James

b) ¡El LeBronsito!

c) THE ALMIGHTY COBRADICK

Quiz results:

Mostly A: You are not even a little bit Miami. Why did you even take this quiz?

Mostly B: You are fairly Miami. Like, at least half. Take that as you will.

Mostly C: Pero, like, you're super-Miami, bro. For real, though.

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