Heat's Loss to Mavericks May Have Caused Giant Dip in Testosterone For All of Miami

According to neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine, sports fans can suffer from low testosterone after their team experiences a big loss. "Studies show that winning releases more testosterone than losing, even in sports spectators. Winning is a natural high that acts in the brain a lot like drug addiction because it's such a huge rush. But the minute that something goes wrong, the feel-good chemicals bottom out as hopes of victory are dashed," she says in her book, The Male Brain.

OK, sure. Everyone knows what lowered testosterone means for some men (insert Viagra joke here). But what does it mean for our fine city when almost all of its denizens are bummed about the NBA loss? What happens when a whole city's testosterone levels drop? Will everyone develop breasts? Or will there just be less road rage?

We might be getting our hopes up, but here are some changes we'd like to see for the next few days. And yes, we know that both men and women have testosterone coursing through their bodies. It's just that men have lots more so we'll look to them for the first signs of change:

 

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1. Less road rage: In a city that consistently ranks at the top of lists as

the city with the worst road rage (occasionally being beat out by New

York), our drivers could afford to relax every once in a while. Even if

women are half of the problem, maybe this testosterone dip will give our

poor streets a break.

 

2. Less cat calling: You know those annoying guys who like

to call out to girls from construction sites, cars, intersections... well,

everywhere, really? Here's to hoping they'll take a break and let us

walk down the street in peace for a bit. (Otherwise, we're going to launch a SlutWalk in protest.)

 

3. Less bar fights: Fewer guys trying to prove their drunken manliness by

sticking it to the guy sitting next to him? We like the sound of that.

Unless said guy is bragging about Dallas winning, in which case, all

the emasculation in the world is not going to stop that fight.

 

4. All in all...less arrests: This is a real long shot, but most of the

things on this list can land a guy in the slammer for the night, so who

knows? Maybe if we're really lucky, the cops will get bored and start

writing more parking tickets. That should start up the fights again.

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