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Goodbye, Kim and Kourtney! The Ten Greatest Miami Kardashian Moments of 2012

Goodbye, Kim and Kourtney! The Ten Greatest Miami Kardashian Moments of 2012
World Red Eye courtesy of Divine Delicacies

Well, that's a wrap. Kourtney & Kim Take Miami has finished shooting, and its stars are back in L.A., in the arms of Kanye West or fighting with Scott Disick or whatever it is reality stars do in those rare off-camera moments.

Say what you will about their questionable talent, vapid personalities, and ridiculously plump backsides. But you can't deny those Kardashian girls know how to make a headline. From rap fights to dinner scandals to accepting the keys to the city, during their stay in Miami this year, the Kardashians made their mark on the 305 -- for better or worse.

Check out our top ten Miami Kardashian moments after the jump.

The Kardashians in North Miami.
The Kardashians in North Miami.
Swampdog

10. Miami Beach Boots Kim and Kourtney

To think, it could all have been over before it even began. The Kardashians planned to film their show in a mansion on Bay Road or the Sunset or DiLido Isles. But an ordinance requires residents to sign off on film projects of that magnitude, and Kardashians' world-be neighbors refused to sign off. Get off our lawn, temptresses! Which, of course, led to....

9. "OMG, Kim Kardashian Lives in the Ghetto Now!"

After getting denied in Miami Beach, the Kardashians relocated to a mansion in a gated community in North Miami, giving the very sensitive writers at several national blogs a series of fainting spells at the thought of precious Kim living near -- wait for it -- a 7-11. Bitches, please.

8. World War Three: Kardashians vs. North Miami Residents

After film crews allegedly blocked streets and disrupted the lives of their neighbors, one North Miami resident claimed the Kardashians' production was "starting a war" with its community. (That allegation came from the same guy trying -- and failing -- to charge the TV crew hundreds of dollars to park in his lot, naturally.) Just another drama-filled day in the life of a reality star.

 

7. Kim Kardashian = Tim Tebow

Miami Dolphins player Brian Hartline compared Tim Tebow to Kim Kardashian in September. Because he's so pretty? Nope -- because he's famous for no reason. "Everybody loves him, but the same people go with the Kardashians," Hartline told The Miami Herald. "I don't know what they did either. They're on every cover, everywhere." Wait, is there a Tim Tebow sex tape we don't know about?

6. A Sequel to Kim's Sex Tape? Sorry.

Rumors that Kim Kardashian's sex tape made the Internet an extra-pervy place earlier this year, until Steve Hirsch of Vivid Entertainment announced that no additional footage of the X-rated romp exists -- and if it does, he'll sue anyone caught distributing it. It's sad news for fans of porn, but great news for those of us who have to write about this crap.

5. Real-Life Golden Girls React to Kardashian's Sex Tape

Besides, wouldn't you rather watch these sassy old ladies' reactions to Kim K. and Ray J getting it on? Of course you would.

4. Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries: Dinner Gone Wrong?

We saw Kim Kardashian with our very own eyes earlier this month, at a restaurant in South Beach where rumors swirled that her ex-husband Kris Humphries was scheduled to appear. No such meeting took place, possibly because Humphries was too busy acting all smart in this FunnyOrDie video:

 

Hulk Hogan, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, and Nick Hogan.
Hulk Hogan, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, and Nick Hogan.

3. Kim, Kanye, and Hulk Hogan: Miami Beach BFFs

Call it the South Florida Sex Tape Summit. Kim Kardashian (she of the sex tape), boyfriend Kanye West (he of the proud rap lyrics about said sex tape), and Hulk Hogan (he of the more recent sex tape) hung out at LIV in November. Kim and Kanye were dressed as Batman and Catwoman. Celebrities are weird, man.

2. Kourtney and Kim Run This Town

The town of North Miami, that is. Mayor Andre Pierre awarded the sisters the keys to the city last month, despite the "war" in item #8 above (and also despite there being any reason to do such a thing at all). Afterward, Pierre claimed he didn't know that Kardashian is famous primarily for starring in homemade porn. Right.

1. New Kardashian Sex Tape Stars a Unicorn, and Other Nonsense

Jonathan Lee Riches, world's most litigious former inmate, spends his days imagining insane celebrity scenarios and then tying up our already burdened legal system by suing the stars who appear in his fantasies. It's kind of despicable, except that his delusions about Kim Kardashian and the rest of her family pretty much qualify as x-rated fan fiction. Sex with unicorns, Kanye West performing for Al Qaeda, Charlie Sheen dropping by unannounced -- you can't make this stuff up, but in this one, isolated case, we're kinda glad Riches did.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.


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