For years now, it's been common knowledge that Florida is the worst state. Ask nearly anyone in the U.S., including plenty of native Floridians, and they'll tell you: This place is just too weird, too corrupt, too conservative and contradictory and perverse.
But when it comes to porn, the weirdest, most perverse pastime on earth, Florida falls right in line with the rest of the country.
And that line leads straight to creampie.
PornHub, "the ultimate xxx porn,sex and pussy tube," released a giant load (I'm sorry, I already regret that terrible pun) of research this week, detailing the pervy habits of its users in each state, including the type of porn people in any given state are searching for, based of the keywords they use.
In Florida, "creampie" is number one, followed by "teen" at number two and "milf" at number three.
Creampie porn is, of course, the use of delicious custard desserts in the sensual act of lovemaking. Wait, what? It's not that at all? Let me just Google this and see for mysel--OH. OH MY GOD. OKAY. OKAY THEN. I ... can't with that.
If creampie porn sounds like a niche market to you, well, you're wrong; "creampie" ranked in the top three for 30 of the 50 states, including boring old Nebraska, North Dakota, and even Rhode Island. It also ranks as the number two searched topic in the U.S.
The U.S.'s number one searched term? "Teen," which seems way more troublesome than "creampie" from a health-of-our-rapidly-crumbling-society standpoint. Hell, from that point of view, Florida is downright wholesome.
And that's not the only reason to be proud, Floridians. PornHub data suggests that you sexy stallions actually last longer than the average U.S. citizen, too. (Maybe it's your moral scruples. Hah.) PornHub estimates that the average visit to its site from Floridians lasts 10 minutes and 55 seconds, a full four seconds longer than the national average of 10:51.
Speaking of which, the next time you're cruising for a one-night stand with a tourist, you might want to avoid New Englanders. Rhode Island, Vermont, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, and Connecticut all clocked in at the lowest amount of time spent on the site, between ten minutes flat and 10:12. Maybe it's something about that accent?
Follow Ciara LaVelle on Twitter @ciaralavelle.
Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.
