Floggers to Strap-Ons: Five Must-Haves for the Novice Kinkster (NSFW)

Don't know which hand to hold the whip in? Get sex, love, relationship advice from Mistress Lera by emailing askadomme@miaminewtimes.com. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix.

Dear Mistress Lera,

I'm a 19-year-old female who is slowly breaking into the BDSM scene. I have to admit that I am a total newbie, who knows absolutely nothing about the kinky world. I never really played around, but recently I met a like-minded gentleman who is game for some naughty time. The problem is that I do not own any fetish toys, and I haven't really mastered the whole "mind f@cking" aspect of S&M, so as a beginner, I feel the need to heavily rely on equipment. Which toys should a novice like me own?

Truly yours,

Rookie Kinkster


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Dear Rookie Kinkster,

Well hello there newbie! I am absolutely delighted to hear that you are interested in exploring the twisted milieu of pain and pleasure. There are not a lot of 19-year-olds nowadays who actually want to learn about the darker side of human sexuality, so props for that.

Now to business. I noticed that you left out some very important details that would've really helped me determine which toys would suit you best. Are you a top? Bottom? And what really tickles your toosh fetish-wise? Since I don't know you well enough Rookie Kinkster, here's the list of playthings I bought when I first started meddling with S&M:

1. Flogger

A flogger is a must have. It doesn't matter if you're a top or a bottom, knowing how to properly use this lashing device is very important. Before you pick up a bullwhip or a cane, master a flogger first. Choose the one that suits you best, and now off you go practice your aim on a pillow. Remember, it's all in the wrist.

2. Leather Handcuffs and Bondage Tape

If you're into restraints, cushioned leather handcuffs and bondage tape are great for novices like you. You're better off experimenting with that before jumping straight to rope, which can be quite tricky. So unless you were a sailor in the past, I wouldn't touch it for now. Before experimenting with restraints, watch some of Twisted Monk's videos. That man is a bondage guru, and you'll definitely learn a thing or two.

3. Clothespins

Those cute little pegs are mighty awesome, because you can use them in all sorts of deviant ways. Clothespins especially come in handy during nipple play and light weiner and meatball pressure cooking.

4. Candles

Not only are candles useful for setting the mood for some sensual fun, but they're also great if you enjoy the sensation of hot wax dripping on your bare body. Wax play can give you the most wondrous sensations of all. However, I urge you to be very careful. You can give yourself or your partner a serious burn. Have a hot wet cloth and aloe vera within reach, just in case if you need to soothe the burns.

5. Strap-on

A strap-on may be my all-time favorite toys. Obviously it's a great tool for penetration, and a strap-on is like a dream come true for any chick who wished she was born with a peepie. But a strap-on is more than just a tool. Symbolically (if you're into Freudian psychoanalysis bollocks), wearing a dong gives you all the power, so strap-ons are great for mind games, and playing out humiliation fantasies.

So there's the list. I think this should be enough to get you started for your first scene. Good luck, play safe, and don't forget your safe word.


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