The FDA just announced that soon cigarettes would come with large picture warnings on packages to go along with classic written warning they've had for decades. Disturbing images of people on respirators, rotting teeth, damaged lungs, and a hole in the throat will soon adorn packs and are likely to make people think long and hard before they light up. We dig it (some people actually ranked the warnings). Smoking is responsible for a lot of cancer and shortened lives, and the government thinks people, especially kids, should know what they're getting into to when they light up.
But we're not into blatant hypocrisy here at Cultist. So, we think the government should shine its authoritarian spotlight on other harmful products and industries that have been hurting the American consumer for decades. Here are some suggestions for warning labels on other products. You're welcome America.
Go ahead America, keep gorging.
Obesity is such a raging epidemic in America we can't even fit into our
seats anymore. But somehow the government gets all "hands off" when it
comes time to advise us against scarfing down fast food. From now on we
want pictures of fat people like Rush Limbaugh on the wrappers of Big
The country takes great pains to warn us against driving drunk, but
let's be honest, that's only part of the problem. In South Florida we
are acutely aware of the toll bad drivers can take on society, what with
the streets filled with dangerous drivers like octogenarians, roid raged
meatheads, and French Canadians. How 'bout a drive at your own risk sign
every so often.
Of course, the whole point of wearing a condom is to avoid having babies
(and getting STDs) but it seems that only the parents of newborns know
this. Forget labels with sexy women or catchy names, just throw the mug
of some toddler on condom boxes and watch sales skyrocket. On second
though, pics of kids on condoms might not be the best idea.
2. Tanning Booths
It's hard to reconcile America's collective fear of the sun with its
collective fascination with bronzed bodies. But we figure add showing
George Hamilton for the older generations and the mooks from Jersey
Shore for the younger demographic will pretty much kill the practice of
having your skin bombarded with UV rays.
The kiddies think writing provocative texts and sending pictures of
their packages is all fun and games. Well, it is, of course, until you
send a picture of your Weiner to a constituent and are forced into
resigning. If Anthony Weiner isn't the poster boy for the dangers of
sexting we don't know what is.
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If you show your weiner in a text you will be cooked.