There are only a few days remaining before the hordes invade for the annual South Beach Wine & Food Festival. Everybody and their brother, cousin, and neighbor twice removed will flock to the streets of SoBe to eat, get hammered, and generally make merry.
Unsurprisingly, the cheery, heavily caffeinated face of mass media will also make an appearance in the 305. The Today Show's "Friday Field Trip" segment will film in Miami this week, bringing Savannah, Al, Natalie, and Willie along. No Matt, sadly, but we're thinking the babes of South Beach might prove to be too much temptation for the philandering anchor. And no one wants to see that guy go down in a blaze of orgy.
What we do want to see: something more interesting than beaches, babes, and Cuban coffee. If The Today Show wants to experience the real Miami, it should check out these spots.
5. Get Drunk at the Deuce. Watching Al and team get sloshed at 9 a.m. in Miami's most notorious dive would undoubtedly make for compelling television. We can just picture the cheery crew chugging well vodka, singing along to "Don't Stop Believin'," and sharing cigs with shoeless beach-dwellers. Ratings boost FTW.
4. Get Too Much Sun. Lobster red is the color of choice for Miami Beach tourists, so why should the Today Show crew be any different? After a few hours in the tropical sun, Savannah would look like a saucy, scorched piece of all-American ass. Fire-engine red really pops on HD TV.
3. Behave Badly, Celeb-Style. From A-list to D-list, celebs are often on their worst behavior when living it up in the MIA. After all, expecting the minions to treat you like a god and freaking out when they don't is what being a celebrity is all about. Imagine a blinged-out Al screaming at a security guard outside Mynt. Or a drunken Natalie having histrionics after being denied a table at Prime One Twelve. Hell, they could even get into it with each other. Willie and Al could start throwing fists and then totally make out.
2. Make the Leap to Reality TV. Morning talk shows are like reality TV, except there's a lot less bitch-slapping and a lot more boredom. So in a way, The Today Show crew is primed and ready to make the proverbial leap. Be it Celebrity Fit Club or Celebrity Rehab, we all know celebs dream of a career comeback via public humiliation on VH1. And what better place to make that happen than Miami? Besides, scripted bantering with Matt Lauer every morning is bound to make anyone physically ill after a while.
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1. Make It Rain at King of Diamonds. In honor of it much-maligned, cheating costar, the team should stop by Miami's most infamous strip club for a little spring shower. Al can drop the dollars, Savannah and Natalie can take a turn on the table, and Willie can creep out the talent. Then, via Instagram, they can share their titty-bar glory with poor outcast Matt.