Five Signs You're a Lady-on-Lady Hater
Women are their breed's own worst enemy. Rather than band together and stick up for each other, they insist on making each other feel as awful as possible. There are signs of this everywhere, from the ever-so-popular, ever-so-ridiculous Bravo Housewives to the tugging of pigtails at the playground. There are, of course, designated women that are Okay to hate on. Who's not going to be bitter -- or regret that second cupcake -- when looking at Gisele Bündchen? She's tall, thin, tan, beautiful and um, hello, she dated Leo diCaprio! In our book, that alone is reason enough to hate.
But when you start hating on your co-worker or friend, you've gone too far. Here are five signs you're a lady-on-lady hater.
Haters are sneaky. On the surface they appear confident and seem to be
paying you a compliment. They'll start with, "Oh wow, I love your
Arts Ballet Theatre: The Nutcracker
TicketsThu., Dec. 15, 10:30am
MGA -Mater Grove Academy Presents: Celebrate the Magic of the Holidays
TicketsFri., Dec. 16, 6:00pm
JTF's Friday Night Live
TicketsFri., Dec. 16, 9:00pm
TicketsFri., Dec. 16, 9:00pm
TicketsFri., Dec. 16, 10:00pm
make-up today..." but before you can even blink your blue-lined eyes,
they'll thrown in "...but it looks absolutely ridiculous for class."
They'll end their encounter with a smug smile and then walk away.
Exhibit A: There was once a co-worker, we'll call her Queen of Green.
Little miss Green passed by our cubicle while we were sitting
innocently, minding our own business, when she stops and says "Oh that
purse," and proceeds to ask who makes it. As soon as we tell her the
designer, she goes on and on about how she hates their bags. Their too
square, too boxy, she says, shredding our purse to smithereens. Less
than one week later said co-worker walks in wearing the exact same
frickin' bag, only bigger.
Immediately we thought "Wait don't you hate these bags? Too square .
Too boxy, you say?" Instead we smiled silently to ourselves thinking,
"Sa-weet. We just got hated on." Because we know that in the wonderfully
weird world of women, being hated on is, in its own strange, twisted
way a compliment.
So there, Queeny and legions of ladies like her. We'll just keep smiling to ourselves while you seethe and sip on the Hatorade.
Five Signs You're a Hater:
1. You clench your teeth and refuse to tell the girl in the cubicle
next to you how stunning she looks, thinking to yourself you won't give
her the satisfaction.
2. You encourage your friend to eat the extra pizza hoping her taut
tummy will feel as bloated as yours. (Low blow, boo. That's your
3. You discourage your co-worker from dying her hair that new shade because you know it will make her even hotter.
4. You give the up-and-down stink eye to every pretty girl that walks by you at the mall.
5. You feel defensive reading numbers 1-4.
-- Rebecca Salgado
Get the Arts & Culture Newsletter
Find out about arts and culture events in Miami and offers you won't hear about anywhere else.