Five Places That Will Get You Dumped on Valentine's Day

Love or uncertainty?
Love or uncertainty?
Photo by Alex Broadwell

Ah, Valentine's Day.

For some, it is a day to celebrate picture-perfect love. For others, February 14 is a day of overbearing anxieties that riddle one with last-minute planning in order to satisfy their significant other.

Some may be searching for an aphrodisiac-laden menu. But what if Valentine's Day brings up those repressed feelings of regret, pressure, or even claustrophobia? What if you wanted to find some way to get yourself dumped on Valentine's Day? Consult this guide for the best locations to inconspicuously segueway back into the world of single life.

Take your girl to watch other girls, and it's a done deal.
Take your girl to watch other girls, and it's a done deal.

5. Mac's Club Deuce

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If your lady's idea of romantic atmosphere is a bar that resembles a hollowed-out strip club, then by all means, take her here. The legendary deuce is famous for being the first bar opened on the beach. Calling it a dive would be an insult to the concept of recreationally swimming underwater at great depths. Club Deuce also loves their puns involving duos. For instance, their happy hour (from 8 a.m. to 7 p.m.) offers you two-for-one beers. The place is so nice she'll slap you twice. Better get used to the deuce puns, because you'll be dropping one on the relationship.

4. Tootsie's

We all know women love it when you longingly gaze into their eyes. "Baby, I love you. You mean everything to me. I only have eyes for you," as you lock in with a pair of silicon breastisis gyrating behind your lady's head. Scratch the "baby," start calling her "toots." Ask the server to put the lemon pepper sauce for your chicken wings on the plate in the shape of a heart. Bonus points if you have a stripper jump out of the Red Velvet Cake. Double bonus points if you ask for a lapdance right after your 'loved one' begins eating.

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