Fans of reality shows about fraternal twins and sextuplets (and titles that rhyme) were dealt a stunning blow this month as TLC finally canceled Kate Plus 8. In the wake of this tragedy, one wonders what Kate Gosselin will do next to stay relevant. Luckily, we've formed a list of new reality shows Kate could take part in, proving that this mother-cum-author-cum-poor dancer can rise again.
5. Kate Plus Apes
With The Rise of the Planet of the Apes performing well at the box
office, it's only fitting that reality TV would capitalize on its
success, and what better way to do it than introduce a suburban
housewife to wild chimpanzees. Suspicion becomes respect and admiration
as Kate locks and loads to protect our cousins from poachers.
4. Kate Plus Watergate
Political scandal is the name of the game as Kate teams up with Woodward
and Bernstein to explain the legendary cover-up that brought down a
presidency and finally uncover what was said in the infamous 18 minute
tape gap--something that could very well shock the sleaze right off of
Jon Gosselin.
3. Kate Plus the Fourth Estate
Kate finally takes advantage of her frightening blonde hairstyles and
lands a job at Fox News, proving that wealthy white women can do
whatever they set their minds to.
2. Kate Plus 8 ½
Things take a surreal turn as Kate Gosselin's romantic and creative
troubles explode in a burst of Fellini-esque fantasies. By the end she
learns a valuable lesson--reality television and 1960s Italian cinema
have a disturbing amount of things in common.
1. Kate Plus 8 Circumnavigate
If you were to compare Kate Gosselin to any historical figure, the clear
choice would be Magellan. Reunited with her children, Kate takes to the
high seas and combats scurvy and hostile natives, all in her quest to
circle the globe without the aid of GPS. The true strength of a mother
can only be measured when she is fighting to keep eight adorable
crewmembers in check as supplies start to run out in the mid-Atlantic.
--Mike Hicks
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