Five Movies To Avoid on Valentine's Day, No Matter What Their Titles Say
Often, a movie's title tells us everything we need to know. Four Weddings and a Funeral, Hoover, and Edward Scissorhands are all aptly titled flicks that deliver what their monikers promise. But for every Psycho or Outbreak, there's a film that hides its true subject matter behind a clever, ironic title.
That's all well and good, except on Valentine's Day, when you're hoping for a film about lakeside picnics and endless devotion, but instead you get one about incest, mental illness, infectious disease, having sex with dead people, eating dog shit, and/or debilitating poverty.
To avoid that fate, check out our list of disturbing movies with misleadingly romantic titles so you know what not to watch this Valentine's Day -- unless your goal is making your sweetheart puke up those beautiful hand-dipped chocolate covered strawberries you made.
The title of this famous late '90s dark (thinkobsidian dark
) comedy suggests rainbows and butterflies, but delivers something closer to rejection, pedophilia, and shit storms.Happiness
follows the intersecting lives of several outwardly normal, inwardly effed-up people. There's a seemingly perfect doctor and husband who's hiding an unhealthy fascination with his son's 11-year-old classmates, and also fantasizes about committing a massacre in a park. Then there's the elderly couple, who look like the quintessential portrait of lasting love -- except the husband wants to ditch his wife of 40 years and ride solo down to Florida. This film (though brilliant) should have single-handedly inspired the phrase "feel-bad movie." It's guaranteed to put you off sex for days.
This movie, directed by and starring Stanley Tucci, has a title with great romantic potential. What could be sweeter than a couple who wins the one-in-a-million game of falling in love at first sight during a low-expectations fix-up? But this is, well, not that. It's actually about a married couple that set up themselves up on staged blind date after staged blind date, torturing each other psychologically as they try unsuccessfully to get over the life-altering trauma that plagues them. This movie asks the question, "Is love worth the endless struggle?" and then it answers its own question: "No."
Get the Arts & Culture Newsletter
Find out about arts and culture events in Miami and offers you won't hear about anywhere else.