Five Inappropriate Things to Paint on Easter Eggs
A literal re-telling of Humpty Dumpty may be considered inappropriate.
Kids are fun to screw with. Not in a creepy come- on-over-to-my-white-van-I-got-some-yummy-candy-for-you kind of way but in a "Santa Claus totally exists," "babies come from storks," "you can be whatever you want to be when you grow up" kind of way. Messing with their underdeveloped and impressionable minds, then watching the utter joy/wonderment/devastation spill across their sweet, little faces when they get an earful of new and confusing information is priceless. And if this weren't so, would online videos like David After Dentist be as popular as they are? No they would not! So, in honor of a clean cut, child-friendly holiday like Easter, here are five really inappropriate things to paint on eggs.
1. A Grenade
Who needs ten fingers, limbs, or a long life? Not your kid!
You're a Good Man Charlie Brown: Young Professionals
TicketsSat., Jul. 15, 2:00pm
Miami Curves Week Presents: Curves & Comedy
TicketsFri., Jul. 21, 9:00pm
TicketsSat., Aug. 5, 8:00pm
TicketsWed., Oct. 11, 6:30pm
Jim Gaffigan: Noble Ape Tour
TicketsFri., Dec. 29, 8:00pm
And we're not talking about walnuts...we're talking about the crotch-berries that your pet cat Pistashio had before he spent some special time with the vet.
3. A Cadbury Egg
Think your toddler's a total chubster? Do their adolescent jelly rolls and love of Reese's Pieces make you want to
teach them how to puke? Paint a hard boiled egg as a Cadbury Crene Egg, let them bite into it like an apple, and watch the shards of shell, blood, and potent, fart-like flavor of egg in their mouths turn them off to candy forever. It's the tiger mom way.
4. A Vibrating Egg
A sure fire way to make sure your little princess learn what a yeast infection is nice and early.
Need we say more?
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Miami, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.