Fake Tits and Holy Toast: Ten Uniquely Floridian Guinness World Records

God bless America.
God bless America.
guinnessworldrecords, Flickr

As we shift from March to April, it is with heavy hearts that we Florida residents must wave good-bye to the droves of shamelessly wasted, toxically sunburned, and unequivocally annoying college kids that swarm our shores every year for the spring break season.

Here in Miami, spring break brought the usual beer-fueled shenanigans. But things were different up north. At the beginning of the month, 450 bikini-clad bods took to the beach in Panama City to break the Guinness World Record for "Largest Bikini Parade."

Now, thanks to our faithful collegiate fan club, we have another gem to store in the overstuffed treasure chest of Guinness World Records that have found a home in Florida. The Sunshine State's freaks have made quite a name for us in the record book. Here we share the Top Ten Florida Guinness World Records to date -- and it should come as no shock that the top two nods go to residents of the 305.


10. Largest Bikini Parade
Because it's our most recent claim to fame, it's gotta be on the list. But the truth is: 450 doesn't really sound that impressive to us for a world record. We think Miami could blow Panama City out of the water on this one. Just group all the female attendees of Ultra on one end of Bayfront Park. Put Tiësto, or Avicii, or whoever, and copious amounts of illicit drugs on the other. Say "Go." You've got yourself a 80,000-strong bikini parade and a Guinness World Record.

A few of the whips in The Villages retirement mecca.
A few of the whips in The Villages retirement mecca.
citydata.com

9. Largest Parade of Golf Carts
Florida's demographics wouldn't be properly represented if we only had the world's largest bikini parade -- gotta give some love to the silver foxes in our midst, too. A far cry from spring break, this record was placed in The Villages, a massive retirement community in central Florida. Thousands of golf carts -- 3321, to be exact -- participated in what could have easily turned into the World's Largest Silver Alert.


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