Debauched Debate
Mike Gorman

Debauched Debate

Dubya has finally managed to pencil it into his busy schedule, so the two main candidates for the position of leader of the free world will come face to face in Miami for their first duel. No, not the Zell Miller glove-slap, pistols-at-dawn kind. This will be a war of words, George "Nucular" Bush versus John "Insert Catchphrase Here" Kerry, in a bout to knock the other guy out at the University of Miami. Unfortunately the number of people allowed to attend this splendiferous political smackdown is minuscule. So what's a wannabe debate watcher to do? Wash down the politricks with copious pitchers of beer and platefuls of chicken fingers at the Debate Watch Block Party.

The official debate-watching site happens to be the good old University of Miami Rathskeller (1330 Miller Dr., Coral Gables). Observe the patriotic fireworks on supersized screens, and when it gets too boring (or you get too drunk, whichever comes first), sate yourself with complimentary food, live entertainment, and giveaways. According to P. Diddy, we'll vote or die 32 days after this event, so might as well eat, drink, and be merry while you watch the verbal sparring. Pow! G Dub smacks Kerry upside the head with a vicious accusation of flip-floppery! Bam! Kerry rails back with the ugly financial figures from the ongoing war in Iraq, and follows that with a solid putdown connecting Bush to Halliburton! Slap! Bush stumbles over his words, but then somehow recovers by reiterating doubts about Kerry's war record!

This election season has been notably rancorous, so the first debate promises as much action as a Tyson fight. Except, of course, no ear-chomping, and probably no definite winner. Despite the best efforts of these candidates, there will always be diehards who will continue to maintain that their guy kicked the other guy's ass. Ain't politics grand?


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