If you're anything like us, baby pandas, huggable lions and sleepy puppies are pretty much the only thing that keep you from Gary Busey-style psychosis. Thank God for the Internet and its treasure trove of happy places. Its latest aww-inspiring specimen: Mr. Chris P. Bacon, pig on wheels.
At one-day-old, the Clermont, Florida, piglet was brought in to be euthanized due to a pair of non-functional hind legs. Luckily, veterinarian Dr. Len Lucero was wooed by Chris' epic cuteness. He fashioned a makeshift wheelchair out of K'nex toys, shot some video, and 902,000 views later, Chris P. is the cutest thing the world has ever seen.
Already, the Florida piglet has appeared on Anderson Live, the Today Show, even FOX News. He's earned legions of fans and put smiles on the faces of countless cube dwellers. To get the scoop from the snorty source, we asked Lucero what Mr. Bacon would have to say about his recent trips, his fave foods and people who eat pork. Naturally, he responded in the most adorable way possible: as Chris P. himself, complete with oinks.
Cultist: What do you want to be when you're a grown up pig?
Chris P: I would like to be an airline pilot because I had so much fun on my trip to New York City. I know that we'll have a hard time reaching the pedals, but that's OK. Maybe after a long career as an airline pilot, I will be an astronaut and be the first pig to walk on the moon. I won't need my wheelchair there.
Has your dad read you Charlotte's Web?
My daddy keeps promising me that he is going to read it to me, but he keeps finding something else to do. I need to put that on his list of things to do. Everyone tells me that I kinda remind them of one of the characters. I hope it is the spider because spiders are really cool. Oink!
How was your first trip on an airplane?
I had so much fun in the airplane. I met a lot of really great humans with cameras attached to their faces. They really looked funny. I rolled around when the airplane was taking off, it was so much fun.
Who's your favorite TV show host you've met so far?
My favorite TV show host was Dylan Dreyer, she fed me and scratched my belly. She took a picture with me and my daddy. He said he was going to keep it and put it in a picture frame for me. I don't know what that is but I hope I could eat it. Oink! Oink!
Pig in a blanket. Wait ... sweater.
Courtesy of Dr. Len Lucero
What's your favorite food?
Yes, food is my favorite! I like all food. Even some things that aren't food taste really good. I like them all equally as long as they keep coming. I like to eat food early in the morning, then shortly after that. I like food in between breakfast and lunch then again between lunch and dinner. I like my snacks frequently and make sure that you make lots of crumbs so that I can clean up after you.
What do you say to all the pork eaters out there?
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Don't even think of touching this pork!