Calendar for the week

december 11
It's Only Rock and Roll: Neil Young was right: Rock and roll will never die. Apparently the Lowe Art Museum (1301 Stanford Dr., Coral Gables) believes in the longevity of every parent's least favorite form of music too, as it presents this traveling exhibition showing the effects of rock and roll on contemporary art since the Fifties. More than 100 works in all media are organized into five parts: found objects, history, personalities, rock and roll imagery, and song titles. Some of the big names whose artwork is featured include Andy Warhol, Annie Liebovitz, Nam June Paik, Laurie Anderson, Robert Mapplethorpe, and Edward Ruscha. The exhibition runs through February. Admission is five dollars. Call 284-3535 for hours. (NK)

december 12
Christmas Through the Ages: The Miami Christmas Pageant, put on by the incredibly industrious and resourceful folks at University Baptist Church in Coral Gables and now in its 21st year, sure is a lot of work; planning for the new-every-year show begins three years in advance and requires 600 volunteers. The first act of this year's pageant offers a 150-voice choir, a full orchestra, and more than 300 Santas. The second act is a fully costumed retelling of the biblical story of Christmas, and folks, those camels, sheep, and donkeys are not cardboard -- you can smell them in the back of the Dade County Auditorium (2901 W. Flagler St.). Odoriferous animals aside, it really is a fun event, and the kids love it. Performances are tonight at 8:00 and tomorrow and Sunday at 1:00, 4:30, and 8:00 p.m. Tickets cost $12, $16, and $20. Call 444-SING to reserve them. (JO)

Shawn McConneloug and Her Orchestra and David Hernandez: Don't like dance? Bored with ballet? Attend this event highlighting the work of innovative choreographers, sponsored by the Miami Light Project, and you'll think about dance in an entirely new way. Minneapolis-based McConneloug and Her Orchestra, a loose-knit group of dancers and entertainers, present her darkly humorous Tina Concertina, in which colossal silent characters on a video screen move awkwardly in accord with graceful performers on stage. Hernandez, a Miamian who has worked with a variety of dance companies, does a solo turn in Edward. In this take on artificially enhanced bodies, he adroitly disassembles a body made of prosthetic parts to uncover its fragile essence. Performances take place at 8:00 tonight and tomorrow at the Biltmore Hotel's Florida Shakespeare Festival Theater (1200 Anastasia Ave., Coral Gables). Tickets cost $20. Call 531-3747. (NK)

City Link Music Fest: If you're having problems finding local bands in Miami that tickle you pink, then head to downtown Fort Lauderdale tonight and check out the City Link Music Fest. For five dollars you can be chauffeured around in an open-air trolley (or just walk, it's easier) to hear more than 100 bands in thirteen venues. A few of the performers and locations: Nil Lara and Amanda Green at the Chili Pepper (200 W. Broward Blvd.); Wurster and Magda Hiller at the Independence Brewery (111 SW Second Ave.); and Nation of Fear, Livid Kittens, and Raw B. Jae at Squeeze (2 S. New River Dr.). See "Clubs" on page 89 for a comprehensive list. (LB)

Kwanzaa Dance Celebration: Although Kwanzaa doesn't officially begin until December 26, the Black Door Dance Ensemble and Grammy Award-winning gospel singer Douglas Miller start the celebration tonight. Kwanzaa, created in 1966 by a California black studies professor, has slowly grown into a celebration important enough to be exploited by marketers. Based on seven principles, Kwanzaa emphasizes unity among black families; gifts are preferably homemade. The holiday is not meant to be a substitute for Christmas or any other religious celebration. In the spirit of Kwanzaa, tonight's performance at the Joseph Caleb Auditorium (5400 NW 22nd Ave.) features dance (the Black Door is Miami's first black dance company) and gospel standards such as "Joy Cometh in the Morning" and "My Soul Is Anchored in the Lord." The show starts at 8:00 p.m. Tickets cost $20 for adults, $10 for senior citizens and children under twelve. Call 385-8960. (JO)

It's Only Rock and Roll: See Thursday.

december 13
Miami Jewish Film Festival: Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the movie house for a heart-stopping action flick, another film festival comes along in multiethnic Miami. The Central Agency for Jewish Education, which sponsors this one, will show seventeen films from Australia, England, Mexico, Poland, Portugal, and the United States throughout the next six days at the Colony Theater (1040 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach). Directors, actors, producers, and scholars will be on hand for discussions after each screening. The fest kicks off tonight at 6:30 with a candle-lighting service and continues at 8:00 with the Florida premiere of Genghis Cohn, the story of a police commissioner (a former Nazi) in a small Bavarian town who is being haunted by the ghost of a Jewish comedian he killed during the war. Annette Insdorf, a professor of film at Columbia University, is the guest speaker. At 9:30 p.m. the Cuban Hebrew Congregation (1700 Michigan Ave., Miami Beach) hosts a gala dubbed "A Very Jewish Party," which promises traditional Jewish fare. Tickets for the premiere range from $60-$175. Other movies range from $5.50 to $7.50. Call 576-4030 or see "Calendar Listings" for the rest of the lineup. (NK)

It's Only Rock and Roll: See Thursday.
Christmas Through the Ages: See Friday.
Shawn McConneloug and Her Orchestra and David Hernandez: See Friday.

december 14
Family Day Kite Festival: Kids who have always wanted to tell their parents to go fly a kite can do so today. In fact, from noon to 5:00 p.m. at Haulover Park (10800 Collins Ave.), kids and adults can fly kites together at this festival. Calypso band Duppy Dub performs while kite-building classes, a variety of contests, and air shows go on all afternoon. The kiddies won't want to miss three scheduled candy drops -- a sort of sugar-coated shower where buckets of sweets are lifted in the air and dumped on the lucky little youngsters. Admission is free. Call 945-1681. (NK)

The Bizarre Ball: Strike a pose, there's nothing to it: Vogue. Even if you've done it before you can still participate in this event for gays, lesbians, and straights; all you need is a flair for drama and an arresting fashion sense. There are four divisions (open, butch queens, fem queens/women, and butch queens in drag) and sixteen separate categories such as Realness Mac Daddy Drug Dealer and Fem Queen Bridal Wear. Individuals (known as independents) or members of a house (organized teams with clever names such as the House of Infiniti and the House of Chanel) try to impress a panel of judges by getting dolled up and outdoing each other on the runway. It's a lot of fun, but some contestants take this very seriously. As the organizers say, props and accessories are a must. The festivities start at 11:00 tonight at Zen nightclub (1203 Washington Ave., Miami Beach). Admission is ten dollars. Call 265-2186. (NK)

It's Only Rock and Roll: See Thursday.
Christmas Through the Ages: See Friday.
Miami Jewish Film Festival: See Saturday.

december 15
Florida Panthers vs. Boston Bruins: Put a cat and a bear on the ice and most probably the result will be an ugly, bloody mess. Hey, sounds just like a hockey game! Less than a month ago in Miami the Panthers clobbered the Bruins by a substantial margin (10-5). So don't be surprised if the bruisers from Boston (who are playing under a new coach, just like our team) are feeling a wee bit vengeful. Will they muster up the power to crush the cats on their own turf? Find out tonight at 7:30 at the Miami Arena (721 NW 1st Ave.). Tickets range from $25 to $29. Call 530-4400. (NK)

Butch Camp: Kneel, pigs! That's comedienne Judy Tenuta's usual greeting to straight men. Tonight find out how she addresses gay men. The reputed one-time wife of Emo Phillips (the guy with the Prince Valiant hair), self-described "Aphrodite of the Accordion," and "Multimedia Bondage Goddess" has recorded albums, starred in her own television comedy specials, written a book, and founded her own religion, "Judyism." Now she hits the big screen in this farce. Miss T. plays a demanding drill sergeant at a training camp where gays learn to defend themselves and where the main character, Matt, retreats after he hits rock bottom. To complete the course Matt and his friends have to pass the final exam: hanging out in a rough-and-tumble Chicago sports bar for 30 minutes without getting beaten to a pulp. Let's hope Judy trained them well. The movie runs through Thursday at the Alliance Cinema (927 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach). Admission is six dollars. Call 531-8504 for times. (NK)

Miami Jewish Film Festival: See Saturday.

december 16
Lilith Fair: This gynocentric traveling festival skipped Florida this past summer, but it makes a just (or is that fair?) return to play Coral Sky Amphitheatre (601 Sansbury's Way, West Palm Beach) tonight. The tour is named after Adam's first wife in Hebrew legend; Lilith wanted to be treated as his equal and supposedly refused to lie beneath him in bed. The women are certainly on top for this year's Lilith Fair, but fair organizer Sarah McLachlan is reportedly considering some male performers for future festivals (see "Music," page 83). So check it out while it's still in the pure form of female-fronted bands only. Luscious Jackson, the Indigo Girls, Sheryl Crow, and Missy Elliot join McLachlan. Two smaller stages host national and local talent including Letters to Cleo and Mary Karlzen. Tickets cost $18.75. Showtime is 4:30 p.m. Call 561-795-8883. (LB)

Second Folkloric Meeting: Saint Lazarus might be the patron saint of the downtrodden and the disabled, but don't tell the Afro-Cuban Posse. The band, a supergroup of musicians including Israel Kantor and Lazarito (former members of Cuban group Los Van Van), intends to celebrate the saint's upcoming day in grand style tonight at 10:30 at the Fontainebleau Hilton's Club Tropigala (4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach). To honor the saint (who also doubles as Babalo Aiye in the Yoruba religion Santeria), African drumming, singing, and dancing dedicated to various orichas, and music in all sorts of styles such as salsa, rumba, and even Latin jazz will be performed. Tickets cost $20 and $30. Call 538-4761. (NK)

It's Only Rock and Roll: See Thursday.
Miami Jewish Film Festival: See Saturday.
Butch Camp: See Monday.

december 17
Goodbye, My Friduchita: Poor Frida Kahlo. She suffered from polio as a child, was practically paralyzed from injuries she sustained in a bus accident during her teens, and was married to Mexican muralist/cad Diego Rivera. (We won't even get into her unibrow and mustache.) Somehow she still managed to climb out of bed every day, paint a slew of eerie self-portraits, charm people with her sparkling personality, and conduct plenty of affairs with famous men -- and women (see "Theater," page 65). If all this fascinates you, get to the Coconut Grove Playhouse (3500 Main Hwy.) this afternoon at 2:15 or tonight at 8:30 and see Doris Sendler's Goodbye, My Friduchita, a play that presents an intimate look at this intriguing artist. Performances run through January 18. Tickets range from $22 to $27. Call 442-4000 for times. (NK)

It's Only Rock and Roll: See Thursday.
Miami Jewish Film Festival: See Saturday.
Butch Camp: See Monday.


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