Jack-O-Lanterns are springing to life, volcanoes of candy are erupting at Publix, and hoochie mommas are frothing at the prospect of dressing like naughty nurses, un-chaste cheerleaders and vampire vixens. Yup, Halloween is around the corner. And in case you haven't noticed, haunted houses are popping up like candy corn.
It's hard to make sense of the carnage, and you don't want to show up at a fetish Halloween bash with your 8-month-old son Milo dressed like a dinosaur, or conversely, have your S&M chains and whips with you when you attend the Not So Scary Halloween Part at the Miami Children Museum. To avoid some truly scary mishaps, read on for the best Halloween events in Miami.
That's Circus of Horrors for the Spanish-challenged, and get ready because there's lot's of Spanish. If you don't mind mixing lots of comedic relief with your fear, then Circo is definitely your speed. There's a plenty of audience participation so think twice about showing up if don't like getting picked on -- and we mean having a needle slid through your butt cheeks. Still, the production is a spectacle in any language and worth the price of admission ($20 to $80) at the James L. Knight Center (400 SE Second Ave., Miami) until Oct. 17. Read our review.
2. House of Horrors
Not exactly a house, more like a parking lot carnival, and not exactly totally terrifying--though the Haunted House might cause a little leakage. There are a bunch of rides (all-you-can-ride for $22), great carnival food and, of course, carnies--both scary and fun. It runs at Miami International Mall (1455 NW 107th St., Miami) through Halloween. See our review.
3. Dr. Wilde's Creepy House
A 7,000-square-foot tribute to horrid abjection that opens this Saturday and runs through October 31 at Zoo Miami (12400 SW 72nd St., Miami). Dr. Wilde brings animals, zombie veijas, and haunted Cuban coffee shops into your nightmare mix. Think roaches, lot's of em, and cats milling around deceased grandmas. Pretty scary and only $5 over price of admission to the zoo.
4. Buried Alive
What is it with animal attractions and Halloween? We guess it's the primal fear it awakens in us. And though the prospect of being slathered in seal guts and thrown in the tank with Lolita is pretty horrifying, the Seaquarium (4400 Rickenbacker Causeway, Miami) event is more about claustrophobia for land lubbers. Runs from October 22 to 24 and October 28 to 31. $13 bucks gets you scared and carnival rides.
5. Masquerade Ball at Zoo Miami
Back to the zoo, but this time leave the kiddies with some spooky Emo babysitter (dont' worry, it builds character.) In the mean time you'll be boozing it up in disguise. The second annual Monster Masquerade takes place on Saturday, October 23. It's $50 to party like an animal and includes entrance into Dr. Wilde's Creepy House.
6. The Not So Scary Halloween Bash
Those scaredy cats who lose control of their bladders at the mere mention of a "boo" will be glad to know they can take their kids to the Miami Children's Museum (980 Macarthur Causeway, Miami) and celebrate without fear of being afraid. Balloon artist, face painters, and, gasp, cookie decorating, are among the frightful activities planned for Sunday, Oct. 24.
7. Halloween Fetish Party
There's a strict fetish dress code (think rubber, vinyl, leather and kinky drag uniforms) to get in the door so don't think you'll be able to gawk at others without exposing your own nipple or two or sucking on a gag ball. This year's party is at Exit 66 in Fort Lauderdale (219 S. Ft Lauderdale Beach Blvd.) on Halloween eve. Tickets are a pedestrian $25 online and $30 at the door. For more info visit fetish-factory.com/Halloween/.
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8. Halloween Bash at Vizcaya
Among the priciest Halloween parties to attend, but maybe the best annual event in town. Plus, you're at Vizcaya (3251 South Miami Avenue) so act accordingly--which is to say don't be cheap. If you're brave enough to pony up $75 to $133 for the tickets, you'll get booze and food and have a couple of dance floors to do your best Thriller-zombie impersonation on Oct. 30.
9. Halloween on the Mile
Coral Gables' Miracle Mile is not so scary, unless you are merchant - a dying breed these days. We kid. No really, the Mile is as vibrant as never but if you are looking children's activities this is the place for you. Also, there is a doggie costume contest, so bring Tinker Bell in a dumb Tinker Bell tutu and go home a winner. The event is Oct. 30 from 3 to 6 p.m.
Check our full Halloween events listings here.