Angelina Jolie and Other Women We Love To Hate
In the words of Tina Fey from Mean Girls, we hate to have girl-on-girl crime. We really do want to yell "you go, girl!" and support each other's endeavors, but there are a few women that just make that hard to do. Here they are.
1. Angelina Jolie: OK, we're not trying to say she's a bad
actress. We consider her a true artist of the big screen and a total
knockout. And the fact that she has saved all those kids from some god
Late Nite Catechism
TicketsThu., Jan. 26, 7:30pm
Sarge: The Chanukah Chutzpah Tour... "Kiss My Mezuzah"
TicketsFri., Jan. 27, 8:00pm
Fundarte Presents: Chiflón By Chile's Silencio Blanco Theatre Company
TicketsFri., Jan. 27, 8:30pm
JTF's Friday Night Live
TicketsFri., Jan. 27, 9:00pm
TicketsFri., Jan. 27, 10:00pm
forsaken country is great. But are we the only ones still bitter about
that whole Brad Pitt thing? Yeah, we said it. We might forgive, but we
don't forget: You broke up America's cutest couple and in our opinion,
the term "Brangelina" is the only good thing to ever come from the two
And even though Jolie does seem like a great mom, she says really annoying shit. Let us quote her on how she "punks" her kids. "I put on a NATO uniform and said, 'Someone tell Mad there's an officer here who wants to say hi.'" Angie, what the fuck are you thinking? Maddox was born in Cambodia, home of the Killing Fields. Punking is when our parents jumped out from behind a corner and we peed a little. You should call Ashton for some tips.
2. Kim Kardashian: With the return of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, we need to acknowledge the menace to society that is Kim Kardashian. Why do we love to hate her? Well, that's easy. She really is gorgeous: skin, teeth and of course that ass. We're not saying that her show isn't entertaining, but does anyone else realize that she really doesn't have a talent other than being hot?
For all you hard working Americans out there busting your ass to put food on the table, know that this women makes millions (yes, MILLIONS) of dollars a year. This all started because she was a.) friends with Paris Hilton and b.) made a sex tape. And we all support it: We watch the show, we wear her perfume, and we shop at DASH. The next time you have sex, remember that if you would have just left your morals behind and let someone film it, then you could too could have your own diet pill.
3. The Lohan Ladies: There isn't much to say here. Our favorite jailbird, Lindsay Lohan, has just gotten out of the clink and it makes us think of her better days. Remember Mean Girls? God, who doesn't love that movie? She had so much potential to be a superstar and then all of sudden she hit rock bottom. We're not sure if it was the club scene or the girl-on-DJ-girl action, but something went down. She has been in rehab/jail so many times we lost count, but that isn't even the real tragedy.
Have you ever read the girls tweets? Not only are they horrific, but they'll rot your brain way worse than drugs ever will. Oh and let's not forget the mother who thinks Lindsay is just "going through a rough patch" or the sister who's 14 looking 40.
4. Snooki: Just the sound of her name probably makes you want to punch a wall. But have you ever watched the Jersey Shore? The girl is actually super entertaining and says shit that will you get rolling on the floor. What about the sound that she makes when she's upset? It's kind of "Uhhhhhhh." Let's not even mention her love for pickles, we feel you girl. Even if you're a little upset that people like her are making more money than you will ever see in a lifetime, just suck it up and watch. It will give you a chuckle.
5. Danielle Staub: For any Housewives fan, you know exactly who I'm talking about. For anyone who has better things to do with their time, then she's the alien faced crazy bitch from The Real Housewives of New Jersey. If you have never seen the show, then you're really missing out, because the girl's 100% nuts. We're not talking laughable nuts, we generally think she needs to go see someone about it.
But at the same time, it's funny. She writes lesbionic songs that she thinks are Grammy worthy, and don't forget that on the show she rolls with bodyguards so the housewives don't attack her (really Danielle?) The best part, is that at the end of the day, know who probably loves to hate her the most? Her poor daughters that have to deal with the fact that their mom is an ex-prostitute who now makes sex tape after sex tape. From our count, two have come out just this year.
Get the Arts & Culture Newsletter
Find out about arts and culture events in Miami and offers you won't hear about anywhere else.