An Idiot's Guide to Valentine's Day: The Bro Edition
Think Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday? Well, you're right. It's all about cards, candy, and other bullshit all to show the one you care that you love them. But if you're in a couple, you're semi-forced to celebrate it. And why shouldn't you? It shows your boo your devotedness and if you do good, you're guaranteed a hot night of loving.
But planning a great V-day can be exhausting. And we know the hardest
part is that you don't know what to do. (You have a penis--we don't
expect you too.) So here's our idiot's
guide to Valentine's Day for dudes. Do everything on this
list to get on your lover's good side.
What to Get Her
Flowers (Delivered): Bringing home flowers is great and everything, but what she really wants is to show her friends at work how much her man loves her via a beautiful bouquet. Just a note--roses (red, they must be red) are gorgeous, but think outside of the box, maybe orchids or lilies. Just no carnations or daisies. Rookie mistake.
Accessories: Men think it's sexy to buy their woman lingerie, it isn't. Its kinda weird and you usually buy the wrong size, so don't. If your girl is the kind person who always has different jewelry on, get her something pretty from Tiffany & Co. (And yes, they have things under $200--pretty things.) You just can't go wrong with the little blue and white box, we promise you that. If you notice she loves her bags, she will love a classic purse from Coach. Just please don't get her a gift card to a store of any kind. We would rather get nothing than a gift card.
Vacation: This is simple: Take her somewhere. If you really wanted to step it up, pick a weekend you know you both have nothing going on, and ask if she can have a Friday off to have a great three-day getaway. We're usually the ones planning shit, so putting in that little bit of extra of effort will make her melt.
Where to Take Her
Red Steak House (Miami Beach): Places like Prime One Twelve kind of steal Red's glory on the beach, but this place is ridiculously good. Their steak, side dishes, appetizers, cocktails--we have no words. It's a modern steak house, where even if your girl is a veggie, she will love all of their meatless options. And even if steak isn't your thing, their seafood is amazing too. Pretty much, were obsessed with this place. And most importantly, it's a non-cheesy romantic spot. Make sure to make a reservation no matter what day you go. No girl likes to wait.
Her Favorite Place: Sometimes, there is just no need to think too deep about where to take her. We know you know her favorite place, be it anything inside the Fontainebleau or Latin Cafeteria, just take her there. She is guaranteed to love it and if you get the place right, you will be made in the shade. Just make sure to get the place correct...no pressure.
Your House: A man in the kitchen is almost better than sex. It's kinda like our porn. Set up some candles, a fancy tablecloth, flowers, wine, and cook up something nice and she will honestly not know what to do with herself. If you can't cook, just follow a recipe from online because we know from experience that it's simple. And if you're a complete food failure, you can always go get some to-go from Joe's Stone Crab.
What to Do
Send Her to the Spa: Finding a man who likes the spa is like finding a unicorn. So if she is lucky enough to have the day off on V-Day, send her to the spa. We suggest Bliss at the W because they do anything and everything. If she is like most of us, she will be behind a desk on Monday, so get her a certificate on what she needs the most. Think like this: Does she work with her hands? Get her a mani/pedi. Does work stresses her to death? A deep-tissue massage. Definitely want to get laid? Get her both.
Tickets: If you categorize yourself as classy, well, we're probably not friends. But on V-day, Andrea Bocelli will be at the Bank Atlantic Center singing his little heart to death and putting you in the mood lyric after lyric. And for you kids who wont be able to celebrate on actual Valentine's day, funny guy Jo Koy will be at the Miami Improv on Sunday. A little early celebrating never hurt anybody.
Beach and a Blanket: Take those two ingredients and grab a bottle of wine. It seems lame, but if you do it, we can guarantee you that she will love it. We also promise not to tell your bros.
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