America's Next PSA: Don't be an Idiot and Drive Distracted

A jackass's recent death has once again reminded us why drinking and driving is one giant death-causing no-no. With people's eyes glued to their cell phones and far away from the road, "Don't text and drive" has also become a nationwide PSA.

But in this day and age when everyone has an iPhone, Blackberry, Kindle, iPad, and a laptop- - for talking, blogging, texting, Tweeting, and Facebook-friending -- multitasking is a must. So why stop there? There are several other activities we should refrain from while behind the wheel. Because quite frankly, we're sick and tired of hearing about tragedies that could have been prevented had the drivers simply used one of God's greatest yet most underrated and underused gifts: common sense. Please allow us a moment on our soapbox to share with you just a few:

1. Plucking: Seriously, ladies. We know groomed brows are a must, but

do you really think having a sharp object half an inch away from your

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eye while operating a moving vehicle is a good idea? Unless you want to

sport the pirate-patch look, put the tweezers down.

2. Reading: The whole "I couldn't put it down" idea takes on a whole

new meaning when the idiot in the Toyota next to you is holding a book

in his left hand and steering with his right. His eyes? Nowhere near the

road.

3. Nose Picking: Your tints are not a Harry Potter cloak of

invisibility. We see you. So while this may not be a total hazard

(except of course, once you get your finger out of your nose and look

down at your findings), it's gross and makes us throw up a little.

Please refrain.

4. Nail painting: Here's another one for the ladies. And maybe some

gentlemen. No, it is not safe to paint the white tips for your French

manicure while driving 80mph down the turnpike. While our initial horror is

reserved for the fact that you're still doing French--which went out of

style back in oh, we don't know, 1996?--we're also able to recognize the

problem behind doing your mani/pedi during your morning commute.

5. Disciplining the kids: We're all for keeping your kids in check,

even a light spanking if necessary, but please don't be that mom. The

one who turns completely around yelling and swatting at her kids while

her minivan careens back and forth between lanes. You, not your spoiled

children, are the menace to society. For now.

6. Eating: Snacking while driving seems safe enough, but whipping out a

fork and knife is a sure sign you should've eaten in, not taken it

to-go.

7. Checking her out: Guys, we know it's your natural instinct to

follow the Kim Kardashian look-alike with your eyes, but please take

your foot off the accelerator and put your car in park before you decide

to break your neck to give her that second, third, and fourth look.

Because that rear end will be long gone when your rear end is in court --

or the hospital -- for the accident you caused.

8. Judging: You're the one taking your eyes off the road,

carefully scrutinizing the people in cars next to you doing any of the above,

thinking they'll give any idiot a driver's license. Well, listen up

idiot #8: Stop looking over judging the others next to you. If you have

that much time to observe what those around you are doing, you're

clearly not paying all that much attention to the road either, are you?


--Rebecca Salgado

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.


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