A lot of teens must be getting knocked up nowadays (thanks MTV!), because the Social Security Administration has released their 2010 list of the most popular American baby names and ranked at #1 are two Twilight character's names -- Isabella for girls and Jacob for boys -- holding their place since 2009. What is shocking, however, are how many of the names on the 2010 list are inspired by silly, fleeting pop cultural trends.
Which, really, is nothing new. In 1982, Jessica Lange won an Oscar for Tootsie, and her name rose to #2. By 1988's Who Framed Roger Rabbit, the name "Jessica" became #1. Not to mention that in 1973, just a year
after The Allman Brothers Band released the song "Melissa," the name rose
to #6 making its all the way up to #2 by 1977.
What is new is
the type of pop cultural trend: 2010's innocent babies were named after trashy reality television stars and tabloid cover media-whores. Why not just give them a mini-tramp stamp and a pack of Marlboro Reds once you've wiped off the amniotic fluid?
Here are the biggest offenders. See the full list here.
#4: Jayden
Okay, we know a lot of people love this name. It seems a little bit more unique than just plain, ol'respectable Jay. And being that the name Aiden (we guess most Americans weren't on Team Mr. Big) has been in the top 50 since 2005 , Jayden seems like a different, fresher variation of Aiden. But only a year after Britney Spears gave birth to her second Cheetoling, Jayden James, the name skyrocketed from #49 in 2006 to #18 in 2007 eventually becoming #4 in 2010. Fingers crossed that the name is inspired by the Sad Stupid Queen of Velvetta Cheese and not because it sounds phonetically similar to "Jesse James."
#9 Chloe
Kardashian, anyone? And before you point out the the Chloe we're referring to spells her name with a "K" and not with a "C" , Khloe with a "K" came in at #42. And sure the name's been steadily rising in popularity since 2000, but you still can't deny that the reality star's name constantly being repeated in the media ad nauseum, keeps Chloe alive and kicking in our subconsciousness. And yes, it's seems like a rarer name than Jennifer or Elizabeth, but does no one else remember this Dr. Evil line from Austin Powers?
"My mother was a 15-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet."
We suppose if you want a strong swimmer, Chloe is your name!
#11 Addison
Yes, okay, we got to admit, this one is kind of cute regardless of the fact that 'Addison' kind of sounds like a term that some who live in the hills of West Virginia would use to refer to a class where they teach youngins about them countin' numbers, there's no denying that this name is totally ripped from Gray's Anatomy and Private Practice. And although not reality TV, with story lines that involve Siamese twins, a bomb lodged in a patient's chest, and tons of work time screw-sessions, it's pretty close.
#12 Mason
Alright, if you didn't buy our explanation for Chloe, there's no arguing that the name Mason's popularity is due to the adorable spawn of Kourtney Kardashian and the living embodiment of Patrick Bateman. Need proof? The name Mason has been chilling in spots in the 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s since 2000, but after Kourtney squeezed baby Mason out of her lube-thirsty-honey pot in 2009 the name hopped from #34 to #12.
#34 Brooklyn
We're figuring that there were either a lot of Sports Illustrated magazines in hospital delivery rooms, people really love the Beckhams, or Williamsburg got really down and dirty last year.
#44: Aubrey
O'Day anyone? And if you're not familiar with the gal who was famously fired from Danity Kane by P Diddy, this is what she does to her dogs.
#71: Destiny, #73: Trinity, #84: Serenity
Uh, if you want to keep your daughter off the pole, this is not the way to do it.
#83: Brody
As in Brody Jenner...related to the Kardashians by law, son of Bruce Jenner, and has dated most of the cast of MTV's The Hills.
And here are some names that have drastically jumped in popularity in the past year:
From
#626 to #366: Kellah
As in Kellan Lutz, an actor known for his role as Emmett Cullen in the Twilight series.
From #703 to #457:
Knox
As in Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's son.
From #705 to #376:
Giuliana
As in Rancic, a woman who's the female equivalent of Ryan Seacrest... just with longer legs.
And for our grand finale the #1 Change in Name Popularity for both girls and boys....
Maci (jumped from #655 in 2009 to #232 in 2010) and Bentley (from #515 to #101):
You can make an argument that America really misses having money and
decided to name their kids after a luxury car and a popular department
store. Hey, the name Armani did jump from #552 to #488 in 2010. Or you
can just take into consideration that Maci is a teenage mother from the reality show Teen Mom and Bentley is her son.
So, can we officially count this as a sign of the looming Apcocalypse? The name Dante is #290...and Damien is #189...
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