People say Florida is where old people go to die, and maybe that's right, because Miami is basically nothing like the rest of Florida. We are a city made for the young and beautiful. Good luck enjoying this town if you're not one of us.
In case you are, there are plenty of things you have to soak up while you still can. Your teens and 20s are the years you're not only allowed but also required to make some bad decisions.
Miami is all about bad decisions. Some of these bad decisions are actually very good ones, and we compiled our favorites into a simple guide. Seize the day, stay up all night, rinse, repeat.
18. Watch the sunrise from the Space terrace
If you're not in the industry and you do this after 30, re-evaluate your life choices.
17. End a fun night out with an eventful trip to Jackson Memorial Hospital's emergency room
Dude, like, this is the craziest place you'll ever go. You will leave with stories and a huge bill.
16. Hang out at the Fontainebleau pool in a '40s-era bathing suit
Get your James Bond on, bro.
15. Visit a voodoo priest in Little Haiti
If you pay someone to do your dirty work for you, it's not your bad thing.
14. Get kicked out of a bar or club for being too rowdy
"Are you fucking kidding me? Do you know who I am?" By the time you reach your 30s, you'll know the crushing answer to that question.
13. Get naked at Haulover Park
You're never going to look this good again. Enjoy it while you can.
12. Have sex on the beach
Especially if you're already naked.
11. Wear sunscreen
You do not want to look like a leather wallet in five years.
10. Take home a foreign tourist from South Beach
Make sure he/she is gorgeous and speaks limited English.
9. Walk back to the car barefoot, or optionally wander the streets for an hour because you forget where you parked
Hot freakin' mess.
8. Party on Calle Ocho and get late-night noms at Versailles
Channel your inner Pitbull and make the most of it. ¡Dale!
7. Ultra Music Festival
You can't bitch about how you'll "never go again" until you've actually been there.
6. Smoke weed on the Ferris wheel at the Dade County Youth Fair or Santa's Enchanted Forest
Basically any Ferris wheel will do. By 30, you'll just think this is dangerous.
5. Hang around lazily at Venetian Pool
Yawn. It's snowing in New York.
4. Party on a yacht
You have that one friend who knows how to find the dude with the boat. Use her.
3. Go to a rapper's album-release party at King of Diamonds
On a Monday, though.
2. Go to the Everglades
There is no other ecological system on this planet like the Everglades. You haven't lived Florida until you've ridden an airboat/visited the Miccosukee/learned to catch a snake.
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1. Figure it out, meet the right people, and end up at P. Diddy's party
Holler at us if you got the digits.
Follow Kat Bein on Twitter @KatSaysKill.