18 Things to Do in Miami Before You Turn 30

This is you. This is your life.
This is you. This is your life.
Photo by George Martinez

People say Florida is where old people go to die, and maybe that's right, because Miami is basically nothing like the rest of Florida. We are a city made for the young and beautiful. Good luck enjoying this town if you're not one of us.

In case you are, there are plenty of things you have to soak up while you still can. Your teens and 20s are the years you're not only allowed but also required to make some bad decisions.

Miami is all about bad decisions. Some of these bad decisions are actually very good ones, and we compiled our favorites into a simple guide. Seize the day, stay up all night, rinse, repeat.

See also: The Ten Best Comedy Acts in Miami in 2015

"Hey, turn that light out!" "Dude, that's the sun."
"Hey, turn that light out!" "Dude, that's the sun."
Photo by Nicole Cussell

18. Watch the sunrise from the Space terrace

If you're not in the industry and you do this after 30, re-evaluate your life choices.

17. End a fun night out with an eventful trip to Jackson Memorial Hospital's emergency room

Dude, like, this is the craziest place you'll ever go. You will leave with stories and a huge bill.

16. Hang out at the Fontainebleau pool in a '40s-era bathing suit

Get your James Bond on, bro.

15. Visit a voodoo priest in Little Haiti

If you pay someone to do your dirty work for you, it's not your bad thing.

14. Get kicked out of a bar or club for being too rowdy

"Are you fucking kidding me? Do you know who I am?" By the time you reach your 30s, you'll know the crushing answer to that question.

 

18 Things to Do in Miami Before You Turn 30
Photo by Calvin Godfrey

13. Get naked at Haulover Park

You're never going to look this good again. Enjoy it while you can.

12. Have sex on the beach

Especially if you're already naked.

You might end up looking like this.
You might end up looking like this.
via Wikimedia Commons

11. Wear sunscreen

You do not want to look like a leather wallet in five years.

10. Take home a foreign tourist from South Beach

Make sure he/she is gorgeous and speaks limited English.

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9. Walk back to the car barefoot, or optionally wander the streets for an hour because you forget where you parked

Hot freakin' mess.

 

18 Things to Do in Miami Before You Turn 30
Photo by George Martinez

8. Party on Calle Ocho and get late-night noms at Versailles

Channel your inner Pitbull and make the most of it. ¡Dale!

7. Ultra Music Festival

You can't bitch about how you'll "never go again" until you've actually been there.

6. Smoke weed on the Ferris wheel at the Dade County Youth Fair or Santa's Enchanted Forest

Basically any Ferris wheel will do. By 30, you'll just think this is dangerous.

5. Hang around lazily at Venetian Pool

Yawn. It's snowing in New York.

4. Party on a yacht

You have that one friend who knows how to find the dude with the boat. Use her.

We make it thunderstorm, y'all make it drizzle.
We make it thunderstorm, y'all make it drizzle.
Photo by Alex Markow

3. Go to a rapper's album-release party at King of Diamonds

On a Monday, though.

2. Go to the Everglades

There is no other ecological system on this planet like the Everglades. You haven't lived Florida until you've ridden an airboat/visited the Miccosukee/learned to catch a snake.

1. Figure it out, meet the right people, and end up at P. Diddy's party

Holler at us if you got the digits.

Follow Kat Bein on Twitter @KatSaysKill.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.


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