Let Them Eat Hot Dogs

The United States has fallen down the list of national obesity rankings, now sweatily wedged between Egypt and Saudi Arabia. We cling to the top quintile as if it were a Big Gulp of clarified butter, but the American Century is assuredly over. The latest jiggle in a proud nation’s tumble comes in a wobbly, pink middle finger to the developing world: the third-annual Hot Dog Fest. The event, presented by Burger Beast and happening this Sunday at Mardi Gras Casino (831 N. Federal Hwy., Hallandale Beach), will offer more than 20 food trucks, which will be on hand to make sure no one’s nitrate levels drop too low. The main event, however, is a hot-dog-eating competition, a test of endurance so terrifying that not even David Blaine would pretend to do it on a television special. Competition entry — due by July 10 — is $10, a pretty good deal considering how little $10 normally gets you, even if you buy your processed pig parts wholesale. Participants also receive a T-shirt that will not fit until poison control pumps their stomachs. The competition, running from noon to 4 p.m., will comprise three-minute heats of six disgusting people at a time. The rules are simple, in the way that the most monstrous acts often are: Eat as many hot dogs and buns as quickly as possible. Incomplete hot dogs will not count, so be thorough and don’t let the component animals die in vain, never having known daylight or their mothers’ love.
Sun., July 13, 12-4 p.m., 2014

 
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