Reader Mail: Yep, Florida Should Split Into Ten New States

Best of Miami

"Actual residents of the Keys absolutely hate Buffett's music. We just play it for you dumb yuppies who come down here and spend all your money for one crappy frozen margarita."

Kudos, compadres: Thank you for giving us locals and visitors this complete information about the best of Miami ("Best of Miami 2014," Miami New Times staff and contributors, June 19). Keep up the good work! Ana M. Bibas

You messed up on this one, though: The fact that Churchill's Pub did not win Best Rock Venue just proves you guys don't know how to make a list properly. Chuck


Fixing Florida's Map

No meth labs in Alachua County: Your map of the ten "real states" that make up Florida ("Florida Dis-United," Kyle Munzenrieder, June 19) is funny, and much of this article is very true. Alachua County, though, was misclassified as a part of "Cracker Barrel," a place full of cows and meth labs. The University of Florida makes this county very different from others in the area — it is very large relative to the overall population of the area. Most residents are somehow affiliated with the university, as students, faculty, staff, or employees in businesses that serve the university. Just the students account for almost 50,000 out of roughly 200,000 people. So people in our county generally come from all over the state and country. Oddly enough, your description of the Tampa-Orlando I-4 corridor as a boiled-down mix of the rest of Florida reminded me most of Gainesville and Alachua County, where there are people from all over and a smattering of foreigners. mmh1280

Take a joke, bro: Wow, some people need to lighten up. As a Jacksonville native, I take no offense to placing our town in "Southern Georgia" as a new state. Truth be told, it's how many of us describe the area to people. While traveling, we hear things like, "Jacksonville — I have a cousin who dated a guy in high school who drove through Jacksonville once." h-j-simms

Welcome to Louisabama: Judging by my experiences growing up in Pensacola in Escambia County, your proposed state of "Crazy Eddie's Crawfish & Pickup Truck Emporium" for the Panhandle isn't quite right. It is more like a state called "Louisabama." It's as southern as Alabama but still close enough to Mobile and New Orleans to have a love of crawfish and Mardi Gras parades. The French actually captured Pensacola at one point. And Pensa­cola is just as much a part of Florida as St. Augustine. It was the second city founded by the Spanish after St. Augustine and was the site of the first attempted settlement by any Europeans in what is now the United States. Kstar8706

Respect North Florida: First off, is Florida really the weirdest state? Ever been to California? Second, you ask whether anyone would miss it if Florida were to cede Northeast Florida to Georgia. The answer is yes, because that would mean almost 2 million people would suddenly be in Georgia and the largest city in Florida (by area) would be gone. You are right — those of us in Jacksonville resent your statement, but for an entirely different reason than you proposed. Northeast Florida was the original Florida. This is where Ponce de Leon landed and explored. This is where the first settlers developed our cities, both Spanish and French. If it weren't for Northeast Florida, the rest of the state would not have been settled for decades after it was. Gfiege

Jimmy Buffett sucks: Calling Monroe County "Jimmy Buffettstan" ignores one crucial fact: Actual residents of the Keys absolutely hate Buffett's music. We just play it for you dumb yuppies who come down here and spend all your money for one crappy frozen margarita. However, the rest of your description of our part of Florida — the drinking, fishing, and overall laziness — is generally true. gracehushlee

Miami is just the worst: I think this article is quite hypocritical because, in my opinion, Miami is one of the worst parts of Florida to live in, and I lived there for about a year. I would rather live in Orlando than Miami, and that says a lot because I hate the shit out of Orlando. Of course this is a subjective experience of a place, one man's trash and all. I'm from the part of the state you've renamed "Deep Swamp," and I think we always liked that not many people lived there. I also tend to disagree with your idea that Sarasota is part of "Retirementville," full of only old people. I think it also contains a nice number of hippies and yoga teachers. vespertinemoons

 
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